Welcome 2010

Self,

Ok, so what had happen was....

As I said the plan for New Year's Eve was to attend a church service/gospel concert at one of the "mega" churches here in Los Angeles that was to feature a performance by Kelly Price.

We arrive ....a tad late - one of the other choirs was already on stage singing and praising. We found and settle into our seats. It's kind of hard to judge the size of the crowd because we were sitting in the former home of the Los Angeles Lakers, with I guess 10,000 seat capacity- but that wasn't the size of the crowd although more seats became occupied as the night continued to have a hefty number of people attending by midnight.

It was an entertaining event, along with the choirs there was a comedian who was doing impersonations of some of the well known evangelists. Kelly sounded great.

As I told a friend on the phone whom I was talking to as I got ready for the evening, I don't know what I was expecting from this event, but something said I was suppose to go. So I sat in my seat and listened.

There was a part of me that tried to feel out of place while sitting there. But, that went away. There was a part of me that tried to feel bored. But, that went away.
There was a part of me that tried to feel annoyed or frustrated. But, that went away.

There was a part of me that was waiting.

As I was getting ready, the friend I was talking to on the phone had commented that he didn't see me as the church type. I chuckled to myself, because I knew he thinks he knows me better than I know myself. I'd bet most people would think the same thing. Of course he and folks in general would think that about me, because they don't know everything about me. There are just somethings that a guy has to keep to himself, this is one of them for me. No, I'm not the type that is in church 3 times a week and twice on Sundays either. But I do attend a service occasionally. (The frequency is irrelevant. LOL.) When I do attend service, there are times when I feel the "spirit" come over me. Sometimes is like a wave crashing on the shore. Sudden and intense. Sometimes it like a sustained gentle rain. Subtle but thorough. It was that feeling/sensation for which part of me was waiting.

As I sat there listening to the music, I'd clap my hands. I'd tap my feet. I'd rock to the rhythm. I'd repeat the lines the person holding the mic would instruct the audience to say. All the while I was waiting. Waiting for that feeling to come. Waiting for an epiphany. Waiting to feel enlightened. Waiting.

At a little after11pm the minister grabbed the microphone on stage. He spoke words to bring into the existence the blessings that will bestowed upon us in the new year as he counted down the minutes and finally the seconds we had left to endure 2009 in order to receive those blessing.

In the beginning minutes of 2010, as the musicians still played, as one friend went searching for a missing scarf, as we discussed the need for bathroom visits before making the trips to our vehicles, as we were ultimately ushered out of the Forum, the waiting had stopped. No, the sensation I had been waiting for did not come. And I was perplexed. As I I stood with Prince Esquire, and three of our female friends discussing where we could still run to for food and "libations" before "last call," I contemplated my perplexity. I was puzzled as to why I didn't receive the sensation of being wrapped in the spirit. For the briefest of moments I faltered. I couldn't fathom the crisis that not having received that feeling meant. It dawned on me that maybe the problem was me assuming it was missing in the first place. The did the sudden feeling of the "spirit" coming to me, because maybe it was already present.

About that time we found a small hole in the wall bar near LAX where we downed a few cocktails before closing time. Then went down the street to a packed Ihop to eat. After dropping Prince Esquire and another friend off I mad my way home. I attempted to make a detour to create some "fireworks" but there was no response to my 4:30am text and phone call. So I finally climbed into my wonderful comfortable bed ( I love my bed, I love my bed) about 5:10am.


Sincerely,
Pharaoh

PS Oh I saw the man who would be my husband....if I ever see him again. (He was on stage in one of the choirs. I have no clue who he is.)