YIPPY!

Self,

It's time I share that  I am officially a property owner!  I'm excited about all the things to come friends coming to town to visit, my first Christmas & New Year's, being able to entertain family and friends, quiet moments to myself.

I just got keys tonight.  The full move will be October 27, 2014. 

I'll post an update on how that goes.

Sincerely,

Pharoah

Something to Remember

Self,

There's soo much to catch up on...and I'm kinda at a point were I think I may stop this.  I haven't decided just yet, so  until I do...I'm here.  I'll probably do things in pieces to keep things short and sweet, as they say.


I went to church today.  First time in a while, that wasn't due to a funeral.  I went to a service at my childhood church where my parents still attend, at the request of my father for his Men's Ministry group. 

There were some things I didn't care for about the visiting pastor, but that's not important.

The message was that through God, you can still win when life deals you a bad hand.  We all feel like we get the short end of the stick from time to time....sometimes even when other good things or blessings are staring us in the face....yes I'm guilty of it myself...and I know of a few others who are as well.

I won't try to relay the whole sermon, but the summary goes like this;

In order to win with a bad hand, there's three things one must do.
1 Don't quit - You can't win if you aren't on the court, at the table, in the game or on the battle field.

2 Do your part -  you have to participate and do what you can to help yourself.

3 Believe - in short, let go and let God.


Honestly it's not exactly an epiphany or nothing I haven't heard before.  It just struck me that maybe I should follow these steps more often.

Sincerely,
Pharoah 

In Memorium

Self,

Today was the memorial service for my grandmother.  It was really nice. 

A day or so ago I was moved to write something to share with everyone at the service which will follow:  (names have been omitted to protect their privacy.)

It's no secret that members in this family can, as they say, "Throw down" in the kitchen.  Nor is that fact a surprise to anyone because we had an excellent teacher in our grandmother.  Some of the best holiday feasts were the result of our grandma, my mom, and aunts lovingly laboring in the kitchen together.

Now it may be a surprise to many of you to learn that mu culinary education with my grandmother began when I was just about 5 years old.  It's the truth - I was gifted.  I started cooking by pretending that four of the tiles on Grandma's kitchen floor were a stove. And I could stir up some pots with a wooden spoon,  I don't remember what I thought I was cooking back then, but Grandma was, of course, supportive.

There were many years between my days of pretend cooking and my time standing in front of a real stove.  Of course that's when the true lessons began.  These were not formal lessons like some Julia Child show, but rather carefree and spontaneous sessions that were usually prompted by my own hunger and the desire to quench it.  It didn't matter what I wanted to prepare, Grandma was always with me, even if I had to get her there by calling her on the telephone.

Along with those first lessons at the stove, came the family's hazing of the new would-be-chefs.  They were referred to as 'ooks, implying that there aren't full-fledged experienced cooks, yet.  It's a tradition started by my grandfather, O-.  My brother, A-, takes pleasure in occasionally reminding me that my time as an 'ook was marked by a crisp, ... well blackened...okay actually charred pot of white rice.  Although started many years ago, just to get a quick and easy laugh now someone might even catch an established chef in the kitchen off guard with the 'ook reference.  Usually, following my grandfather's grin and chuckle at his remark, would be the encouraging words that if we keep it up we could be as great of a cook as our grandmother.

My grandparents were married to each other for over 60 years before he passed in 2011.  Although I miss them both, the world now seems right that they are together again.  And with Grandma's lessons under my belt, and Pop's jovial support at my back, they will always be present in any kitchen I stand in.

To B-, the youngest member of our family, it is unfortunate that you are going to miss your formal training from Grandma and Pop's taste-testings.  However, I can assure you that those of us who have received their training before you will most certainly pass you the infamous wooden spoon and refer to you as the new 'ook in town.  And when you are ready for lessons to be taught the Grandma way, you just have to ask you Auntie M- how to make some cabbage; and then get your Auntie W- to make baked chicken and noodles; and plead with your cousin N- to help you fry some chicken, You might have to drag your cousin A- into a cheesy mashed potato session.  And on a cool fall or winter's day I'll happily let you sweet talk me into showing you hot to make a good pot of Grandma's chicken and dumpling.  And let's not forget that your father, L-, is known for his outstanding breakfast potatoes.  After perfecting all these delicious delicacies and enduring your share of hazing, you'll know Grandma and Pop or with you too, as they have been with us through the years.



Just thought I'd share .

Sincerely,
Ryan



Rest in Pease, Grandma.

Just Updates

Self,

I been meaning to write this but been distracted.

SO this is where things are;

No. 1 -  My grandmother passed away this week.  I will miss her. The service is planned for Aug 24.

No. 2 - A friend who recently had a couple toes amputated is being told that now they want to take the leg up to his knee. I feel bad for him and worse that I'm not in a place to be of more assistance.

No. 3 - Still house hunting and a bit pissed that when I found one that I was considering, it was sold while I was waiting on my agent to make the appointment so I could see the inside of it....this has now happened to 2 properties.

Well I think that's it for now.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

What to Do

Self,

This house hunting process is some slow going stuff.   So far my agent has shown me about 8 places...none were a good fit. One might be manageable, But it a older home, and look it...and tht's kinda a problem for me....not to mention I didn't fully like the floorplan.

However Just this passed Sunday, I happen to go to a open house right here in the neighborhood where I already stay.

I loved this place!  (Short of it not having a walk in closet for the master bedroom.)  My problem/dilemma is that this place puts me in the same commuting headache I'm already in...well more because I my expenses would be high own my own then here with my parents.

One said of me says do it, have some faith that it will work out.  the other part of me says don't be stupid and put myself in a worse situation.

Thoughts????  If anyone is out there! lol

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Exciting News

Self,

So, I have to share that I went ahead and bit the bullet.  I got pre-approved for a home loan and had my first property viewing yesterday.  It was a condo in Highland Park, which isn't really what I want but I also don't want to be soo close-minded that I may miss out on a gem.

However this wasn't a gem for me.  It had nice features, but I didn't get the feeling that it was home....So I will keep looking.

Wish me luck!

Sincerely,

Pharoah

Q.U.E.E.N. /\^/\^/\

Self,

So I received this text message to youtube a song, by one of my favorite new artist, Janelle Mon­áe.  The Song is called Q.U.E.E.N.   I love the song and video, I will be looking for it on iTune when I get home.





So after having viewed the video 4-5 times I came across these ladies doing a cover of the song...and they are jammin'!

Check them out...





Well what do y'all think?


Sincerely,
Pharoah

PS -  The Booty Don't Lie!

I Don't know!

Self,

I found this on somebody's Facebook page....you gotta see it - then we can talk about it!

...Well...Thoughts???? Oh ok lets address the obvious...they seem blessed...especially the one in the grey shorts.

On FB alot of the comments were about how "gay" it is to people. A couple guys even said that it was too gay for them to even watch all of the clip....lol ironically some woman pulled their card by pointing out that it's a little suspect that these guys even STARTED to watch a clip titled: "DICK SLANG." I wouldn't be surprised if some of you even think/say it looks gay to you too....I won't lie, for a minute so did I.

However reading the comments and seeing all the negativity that was being associated with it, begs the question - WHY?  What is actually gay about the the clip?

I mean if they were doing this "dance" in such a way that they doing the 'Dick Slang' in each other's face or were holding one another's dicks while it slang....yeah I would give you a pass on it being gay. Is it gay simply because these guys are in a room by themselves...would it be 'straight' if there were just as many females or more in the room watching....isn't that what Chippendale's and those places are about....'dick dancing.'  And if it is gay just because they are in the room with no females, does that mean all Chippendale dancers only perform with female audiences so they don't get accused of being gay because they are practicing alone....trying to perfect their 'artistry?'

Is it gay because these guys are seemingly average (if not actually masculine or even'thuggish') and they are acknowledging (maybe even praising) masculinity and sexuality among each other. Has it become a crime for men to do that for each other? I mean it's not like they were saying "damn you got a big dick JaKwuan, let me suck it," so they arent being vulgar and offensive in the acknowledgement.

Is the negativity that the comments exuded (like "SMH," and "what's the world coming to,") because they are doing this dance and have a degree of machismo masculinity. If the guys in this picture were the ones doing the "Dick Slang" dance would the comments been more like "Them boys are getting it." "Twerk it!" "FIERCE" etc, etc, etc???

(umm yeah that definitely looks GAY!)

Just something to ponder.

 Sincerely, Pharoah

Unexpected Insight

Self,

So on Wednesday night I went to dinner with an aquaintance, VK.  After dinner I had a phone conversation with a friend, MS, as I drove home.  Our conversation covered a variaty of topics because it had been a while since we had chatted.

Of course one of those topics was dating and more specificaly, my love life. During the conversation about my love life, MS asked if I was willing to have my heart broken.  I  froze. I didn't know how to answer that.  I mean who wants to have their heart broken, right? So after thinking that through, I of course said no.  MS then said "then you aren't really ready for a relationship."

MS continued saying that experience a heartbreak is probably the most agonizing experience of life, and if a person isn't prepared for the possibility of it occuring then he/she is quite ready for a relationship.

It makes so much sense to me.  I probably have said almost as much to others which is what makes love/dating a gamble...as I encouraged them to take the risk.  So now I have to get myself to do the same.....eventually.

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

I Just Gotta Do This

Self,

I believe that I have mentioned that I have been watching the NBC series, SMASH.   And I have to say that I'm hooked....I think it taps in to that stereotypical gay man that suppose to love and memorize Broadway musicals....no I haven't gone completely over the edge but I do look forward to this show every week.

I really appreciate the show for its talented artists.  I won't go crazy with sharing but I just gotta do this because, yall this woman here is SANGIN'!    I find myself watching this clip several times a day.  Enjoy!





Her name is Megan Hilty, although some may say she is an upstart nobody...cause her name isn't on everybody's lip, (yet,) She is no flunky...infact she is a Tony Award winner.  Get in to it!


Sincerely,
Pharoah

History Repeats Itself

Self,

Something is at work here....good or bad I can't say....it feels bad though.

I just happen to be reviewing some past entries here and I came across "It's Just Me...Nobody Else" dated 8-17-12.

And dammit if I'm not in the exact same predicament...and it hasn't even been a fuckin' year!  And things are actually a bit worse.

I did manage to recover from having to spend $1200 to get Thunderbolt fixed,  I've even managed to to pay off all of my credit cards (except about $500 that I planned to clear up by the end of May, but now will have to extend a bit longer.)  I mentioned that I made plans to go see BabyBro...it wasn't cheap but I felt it was neccesary and I'm so glad I did, it was GREAT to see him and give him a big ole hug!
And if things could have been left there, I would consider myself blessed and highly favored for the moment.

However just a week after returning from visiting BabyBro, I had to hand over some money again on Thunderbolt's behalf....this time to a tune three times higher than what I spent in August.  So reading the post from August makes me want to cry because it just literally verifies that I've just been knocked 3 steps back.

Yes, I know that I need to be positive and thankful that I have the means to resolve/absorbs those cost....and although I'm grumbling about it, I am thankful.  But damn it's hard to be thankful for minor blessing in the face of big disasters.....and that only makes me frightened to know that things could still be even worse.  I mean I know that life is about taking the good with the bad and vice versa and therefore things can't ever be perfect...but it would be great to be able to float in the good for a bit before being drowned in the bad.


Sincerely,
Pharoah

PS The positive thing I'm going to take from this is that for the most part I shouldn't keep myself from doing the things that bring me a bit of joy. There's no point being miserable while trying to get ahead.

If Not With My Eyes....

Self,
Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!  (Since I technically don't have any nieces or nephews I can say that without being insulting...for now.)

I don't know if I would have believed that a NBA player has announced that he is gay, if I had not stubbled upon the artical with my very own eyes!

Jason Collins of the Washington Wizards steps up as the first American sports professional anouncing that he's gay in Sports Illustrated May 6th issue. 

Of course the story is available online presently.

Jason Collin's essay.

                                    

I remember that John Amechi also shared with the world that he is gay after he retired from the sport. So Collins is goin g down in history as the first active player to make such an announcement.

I wonder who will be the next???


Sincerely,

Pharoah

PS He's handsome and single...could you handle dating a NBA player???

While I Was Out

Self,

I am so super glad I had a chance to see BabyBro.  It was so good to see him and spend time with him.  We went out to eat a few times, caught a movie, went bowling, and even went to a spa where we each got a massage.  Of course the great part was just having a chance to connect and bond.  I went there for him but I think it did me as much good for me to see him as I hope it did him to see me. 

In addition to to seeing BabyBro, I also had the chance to see meet and hang out with a new friend.  We've been chatting/texting for about 6 months I believe. I also enjoyed spending some time with him.

While I was on this trip of course TBH and I was in touch. That said I think he has hexed me because now even if I'm out of town I can act a fool....not as much as him though. so this is a text conversation I had with him while I was visiting BabyBro.

Pharoah: So I was driving around the city, taking in the sights as I figured out where I was going....just minding my own business, right.

TBH: You have already started to lie..but continue.

Pharoah: In my wandering I saw this sign that I just couldn't believe. I instantly wished that you were here to have seen it....but alas you are not...so I figured I would make my way back to take a picture to send you.

Believe me it was just there on the side of the road...but I couldn't have wished for a better sign!

TBH: LOL!!!!!!!! Just fell out the bed laughing.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

See his foolishness is rubbing off on me.

Hot Cakes!

Self,

I literally just got off the phone with a pair of business partners in which the conversation was about me possibly making cakes for their restaurants in the Lancaster/Palmdale area (about an hour north of Los Angeles.)

This is in the very early stages of negotiations, particularly on my part, but atleast to start it sounds like I only have to make 2 cakes every other week...although I think it may actually be every week because I think they are under estimating how quickly they will go through a cake by the slice.

I know I have a lot of other stuff going on, but I am putting it out there that I want this to work...hell even just through the summer or the end of the year to start, then reevaluate.  So posting it here is my way of staking a claim on it in the universe.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

DATING: Single Player Vs Multiple Players

Self,

 I would like to hear what you all think.

As of present, I find that for me I am open to getting to know more than one person at a time in terms of dating prospects.

I was told, by one prospect, that it's not right to date more than one person at a time because it's unfair.  Of course he was using himself as an example. His theory is that if I'm seeing more than one person then I'm spreading myself thin. The crutch of his argument is that he can't spend as much time as possible with me getting to know me if some of my free time is spent out with other someone else.

Makes sense, right?

On the other hand, I think trying to be exclusive at this stage is unfair to me.  His schedule isn't always open and for the most part he is only available Friday and Saturdays since the rest of the week he is at home taking care of his 5 year old daughter.  I try to live a spontaneous lifestyle, so if on a Thursday I have the sudden urge to get out of the house, according to his theory of I'm only suppose to be getting to know him exclusively then I'm trapped having to sit at home looking at the four walls, because he is at home being a father.

Makes sense also, right?

Yes, I can see the obvious "compromise" being the idea of me going to his place on a Thursday evening, but in a way that is still being cooped up in a house.  Not to mention the possibility that we did that on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Well what are your thoughts?

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Get it Mamas

Self,

I found this on somebody's Facebook page and thought it was funny enough to share.




Funny Right?

Sincerely,
Pharoah

I think I've been Hexed

Self,

I am grateful for the ability to smile and laugh...and the friends that can make you do so!

So Thunderbolt has been running a fever and not been on his best behavior because of it. Due to Thunderbolt's illness I had to rely on other means of transportation to get to work this morning, mainly being my dad giving me a lift to the light railway station....which meant having to get up, get out, and on the platform by 5am. (I usually don't get up til 530, so this camper was not pleased.)

I made it to work and was setting at my dest when I texted my friend, The Black Hobbit (TBH).  When he asked how was I doing I responded "sleepy' because he already knew about my transportation ordeal from our convo from last night. 

This was his response:

Ok, do exactly what I tell you!!!! Since you are sleepy, you should go to your cubicle and say this prayer REALLY LOUD.  "Dear Jesus, thank you for granting me a good day today. You blessed me and gave me the strength not to harm my coworkers, especially the ones who are on the other side of my cubicle.  Thank yu for curing my coworkers stomach problems because if he had farted in the company car one more time, I would have vomitted all over him.  I'm graetful that you gave me this job and even though I'm smarter than most of these ignorant fuckers, you continue to sustain me in their presence. Watch over me while I sleep on my desk during company hours. In Jesus name, Amen."

I was in stiches from laughing because I couldn't laugh loudly.  I called him and told him how crazy he is.

About the same time I was looking at FB seeing the post from people I had missed over the last few days. I read one from a friend who posted that he was Engaged as an April Fool's gag.  I'm reading the comments and I get to the last one on the page from some girl who said he better invite her.  That's when out of the blue my fingers typed;

Yes invite me too...but I'm warn you when the ceremony gets to the part when they ask "if anyone objects to this union" I'm gonna shout " SSSSTTTTTTOOOOPPPPP!" and when every got over their shock and a silence has fallen over the room, I'll either whisper "I've always wanted to do that." or "That's just my baby daddy." LOL

Y'all I think TBH has hexed me to be a fool like him and it kicked in at that moment!  I feel so ashamed!   Beware of short black hobbits that are insane....they have magic.     Sincerely,  Pharoah   PS, I leave tonight to go see BabyBro tonight, I'm a bit excited to see him, it seems like it been forever...I hope he is too!

What About Your friends!

Self,

In theme of making sure that I try to be more positive in my postings here, I am going to start taking notice of all the things that I appreciate in my life.

Presently, I'm in a space where I am trying to create and build new connections/friendships. I guess intially because I was frustrated with some of the ones I have....ie looking for what I felt was lacking.  For the most part my biggest gripe is that sometimes I feel that we don't engage and hangout with each other as often as I would like.  Yes we all have crazy busy schedules so nobody is to blame. However often I would like to have a group of friends where we don't have to ask "are we going to hangout this weekend," but rather just "what are we doing this weekend."  I know it seems kinda small but hey it's how I feel.  Don't get me wrong when I do get together with my friends I have a great time, so I'm not complaining. 

I do accept and acknowledge my role in this too. I mean as I said I do have a crazy schedule, often when I am hit up to hang out....I might usually already have something in motion. I also know that I can/should make more efforts to be the "initiator/invitor" to promt more outings, but because I know folks also have busy lives I don't want to feel like I'm intruding, so I don't reach out as often.

Anyway, as I am on this "quest" I have been chatting and meeting other guys.  Last night I went out with a guy it was our third time hanging out.  I am gratful for this outing because it gave me the chance to realize....that things may not be as bad as I might think. 

This dude practically swears he has no friends. He says that when his last realtionship ended about five years ago....his ex won all their friends in the "divorce" because for the most part they were the Ex's friends to start. 

Now me and this guy met on one of the gay social apps.  He says he has a hard time meeting other guys on the apps because they are either out of state, or tend to only be looking for sex while he'd rather get to know someone.  What I'm noticing about him is that he kind of expects to "craft" how these new connections should be made, rather than just "go with the flow."  He seems to be impatient which then can make him come off as pushy and needy.  Unfortunately, I think it all stems from him being lonely.  Which makes me grateful that when I do feel lonely, I atleast know I do have friends I can call and bug for a bit!

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Dark Days in the Kingdom

Self,

I didn't realize it has been so long since I wrote anything here.  Sadly, I can't totally say that it was just an oversight on my part.  I have been avoiding posting anything on here for a while....because I felt that I was complaining or whining and being negative.  So I been waiting to be able to come from a more positive place....and I guess I just haven't been in that place until now.

This past weekend at the urging of my cousin, the royal family went to Arizona contengent.  Overall, it was a good visit.  It was great to see them! Plenty of food and merriment! I mean it was the first time we were all under one roof, in a long time and definitely the case for 2013.  When I say "we," I mean the WHOLE family! The attending royals were:  Pharoah, the royal parents and brother; my cousin, her husband and sons, my mom's older sister, my mom's younger brother; their youngest brother, his wife and two kids; and my grandmother.

I mentioned my grandmother last because she was the reason for the event.  My cousin thought it would be good for my grandma to see us all together.  The part that has me with a heavy heart is that my cousin suggested this because it seems my grandmother is beginning to suffer from the onset of dementia.  I don't know if she is aware of it.  My aunt and cousin relayed stories to us of my grandma mental loss. Like her laying in bed saying mama (her grandmother) told her she had to get up to go to school. (Like she was 8-9). Or the funny one of how my grandma was going to take a relative of my cousin's husband back to her home to work on the farm and she needed new sheets for the bed becasue they were going to be sleeping together (the afore mentioned relative is 30 and could be one of her grandchildren, the house she talking about has been demolished.)  I watched as my grandma started a conversation, engage in the details of it and finish it. Then not even a full five minutes restart the conversation exactly as she did the first time...as if she didn't just have it.

The hardest moment for me, was a night my grandma woke up at like 3am calling out for someone, I go to check on her and she says she don't know where my grandfather is, he's not in bed, she's not sure if he went to the bathroom or fell on the other side of of the bed.  (My grandfather died two years ago.)

So yeah, I'm not feeling totally positive and up beat.
Sincerely,
Pharoah

The Birthday Blues

Self,

This is not how I want to start off the "new year,"  But I heard somewhere that through pain comes growth, so maybe this is just a growing season for me. 

So I literally brought in my birthday alone at the beach in the rain (well it had rained earlier and still drizzled a bit)...feelin down about a the discontiued association of a romantic interest. And although I still think about this individual....even though I know I shouldn't, the sound of the waves did seem to lick my wounds and sooth my heart some.  Maybe I have to make a few more trips to finish the process or even take the longer drive to my favorite beach for a more intense healing session.  The rest of my birthday went well. A new dear friend took me to a special bakery in Manhattan Beach for a slice of cake....that was well appreciated particularly since I am doing a detox clense/diet which requires the elimination of sugar and dairy.  Then later that night I was treated to dinner with my parents and brother.

As part of the birthday celebration friends had arranged for us to go to a cigar lounge in Beverly Hills and then a rum bar.  There wasn't many of us at the lounge but it was good to sit and chill with the fellas with the aroma of a good cigar lingering overhead.  The plan was to meet the ladies at the bar but a couple of the fellas did not dress appropriately to be admitted to the bar so we ended up going to a diner down the street having some food and drinks.  GOOD TIMES!  It was good to be surrounded by laughs, love and joyful faces.

Although the break-up darkened my horizons occasionaly, that wasn't my biggest frustration about my birthday.  I appreciate ALL the birthday wishes I recieved. In fact I am even more grateful for them because of the disappointment of there being two friends I was expecting to get atleast a text from as a bday greeting and didn't.  I totally understand the power of recognition....and it kind sting to not be acknowledge on YOUR day, and I will do my best to make sure I acknowledge others birthdays.  One of the two I still haven't heard from...and haven't in weeks, but we have been hit and miss for a while.  I hope he is well.  The other I got a call from him 3 days after my birthday as I was driving to my bookclub meeting...(I'll always overlook tardiness...and I had figured it was like him to be late with it.)  However the conversation was about him wanting me to find and read some comments on Facebook when I got a chance, so we he can ask my opinion about something related to those comments.  I won't dwell on it nor will I hold a grudge...it's just what it is.

Sincerely,
Pharoah