Self,
Well THEBoyfriend and I have come to the end of the line. I don't want to go in to the gruesome details, the short answer from my perspective is that we realized that although we want the samethings, we are on two different pages as to how and when to get there, and that's going ot put us at odds. Suffice it to say that we agreed to remain friends. However he has suggested that we talk more so we can see if we can get back together. ....But I don't think that's what I want.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
It May Be The End of The Road
Self,
Things seem to be deteriorating between THEBoyfriend and I. Tuesday, I finally sat with him to discuss my issue with the text he sent at Christmas. He also had issues with me he wanted to address. It became an extensive conversation and intense.
His issues with me are;
Well suffice it to say that I was overwhelmed by that list and told him so. I also told him that I needed some time to process every thing we discussed and that we should table the conversation until later, particularly since I had to go to my other office which he already had prior knowledge. We left the restaurnt where we didn't eat.
About 23 hours later I had a missed call and a voice mail and a text from him saying he hadn't heard from me that day and wanted to see where my head was at regarding our conversation and if we could continue it. I explained that my head was basically in the same place because as he knew when I suggested that we pause the conversation, I had to go to my other office and was busy there. After I left the office I came home and went ot bed because I was tired (drained,) I like him, have been busy at work all day, and when I got back home I was busy doing those domestic things that many people do on weekends that I don't get to do because I'm not home on the weekends. We have some basic conversation and then I tell him I need to go on the grounds that I still have things to finish before I can go to sleep. He hangs up....I text him "Good Night" since all he say was "ok" before disconnecting.
This morning I sent a text just saying hello. I also sent a text asking a question to try and open up some dialogue between us. His first response was that he felt that it should be discussed in person or on the phone not via text. I thought about and felt that was a reasonable idea and texted back , "ok." He basically then started spitting venom by turning my words from another conversation back on me stating that he assumes I am just as dissatisfied with that answer as he was when I first gave it to him. Well honestly, I don't think I would have be dissatisfied with that answer, if those were his honest feelings as they were for me when I told him. I was more shocked that he was saying it out of spite. However he claims it's unfathomable for him to be malicious. He admitted that he's hurting and emotional and won't make any apologies for it. I responded that when I initially spoke those words to him that I was being honest in the moment, and that I'm sorry my answer wasn't good enough for him at that time.
What all this is starting to reveal to me that he might be right, maybe we really aren't compatible and that maybe I was just trying ot make us out to be.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Things seem to be deteriorating between THEBoyfriend and I. Tuesday, I finally sat with him to discuss my issue with the text he sent at Christmas. He also had issues with me he wanted to address. It became an extensive conversation and intense.
His issues with me are;
- that he doesn't feel that I'm really into him,
- that maybe we really aren't compatible,
- that maybe we aren't on the same page in regards to what we want,
- that I'm in the relationship out of fear of being alone,
- that maybe I'm not really attracted to him because I have looked at other men while in public,
- that our level of comunication isn't at the level he wants and feel it should be,
- that he feels he's being taken advantage of financially because he does a lot of driving when we're together and that I haven't been sensative/observant enough to help replenish/buy groceries or cook when we are together,
- that he was hurt when I had just told him that I questioned his actions regarding the Christmas text as possibly being malicious since he feels I should know better,
Well suffice it to say that I was overwhelmed by that list and told him so. I also told him that I needed some time to process every thing we discussed and that we should table the conversation until later, particularly since I had to go to my other office which he already had prior knowledge. We left the restaurnt where we didn't eat.
About 23 hours later I had a missed call and a voice mail and a text from him saying he hadn't heard from me that day and wanted to see where my head was at regarding our conversation and if we could continue it. I explained that my head was basically in the same place because as he knew when I suggested that we pause the conversation, I had to go to my other office and was busy there. After I left the office I came home and went ot bed because I was tired (drained,) I like him, have been busy at work all day, and when I got back home I was busy doing those domestic things that many people do on weekends that I don't get to do because I'm not home on the weekends. We have some basic conversation and then I tell him I need to go on the grounds that I still have things to finish before I can go to sleep. He hangs up....I text him "Good Night" since all he say was "ok" before disconnecting.
This morning I sent a text just saying hello. I also sent a text asking a question to try and open up some dialogue between us. His first response was that he felt that it should be discussed in person or on the phone not via text. I thought about and felt that was a reasonable idea and texted back , "ok." He basically then started spitting venom by turning my words from another conversation back on me stating that he assumes I am just as dissatisfied with that answer as he was when I first gave it to him. Well honestly, I don't think I would have be dissatisfied with that answer, if those were his honest feelings as they were for me when I told him. I was more shocked that he was saying it out of spite. However he claims it's unfathomable for him to be malicious. He admitted that he's hurting and emotional and won't make any apologies for it. I responded that when I initially spoke those words to him that I was being honest in the moment, and that I'm sorry my answer wasn't good enough for him at that time.
What all this is starting to reveal to me that he might be right, maybe we really aren't compatible and that maybe I was just trying ot make us out to be.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Thursday, January 5, 2012
What Does It Mean.....?
Self,
So Christmas has come and went....there were a few gifts under the tree for me. I have a few questions about some of the gifts people give, though. Ok this didn't happen this year, but I had someone give me a used CD (as in cracked case and all) The person took the time to wrap it with a bow and my name on a sticker. The person that says "maybe they were low on funds"... could get shot. Because as far as im concerned the person didn't have to give a gift if you are struggling financially....no I'm not so materialistic that I only accept new items in fact its the opposite....I don't always have to get a gift. I'll be OKAY!
The person that says, "well maybe the person thought you would like the artist"....could get cut, because even if that is true....he could have just gave me the CD....without it being a Christmas present. Just say "hey, [Pharoah] here's a cd I didn't like, but I thought you might,"....and save the wrapping and "fanfare."
I don't know....it just strikes me as odd.
Ok speaking of odd....this year I noticed something.....almost every year my mom gives us a manicure set. I mean my dad's feet and toenails are ghastly.....broke toes, bunyons....eww But why does she give me and my brother matching sets too? Is she trying to warn us about what are feet will look like when we get to be 60? Or is she hinting that we are sporting claws of our own? Of course the problem i can't ask her cause it would probably come off as being ungrateful....but it makes me go, ....hmm.
Last thing....I been saying I want a Kindle....I thought THEBoyfriend would have picked up on it and got me one....but he didn't and went a different route.....clothes (with shoes) and a bracelet. So now I'm looking to get the Kindle for myself. I've been thinking that I would get teh Kindle Touch...since it's only $99. I have a Best Buy gift card that will cover most of the price and will have to put a little more to get it out the store ....legally. However the this morning I learned that I can use my AmEx reward points on Amazon.com and I have enough point to almost cover the cost of the new Kindle Fire. But I don't know if it would be worth it. I mean the K-Fire is more like a pc tablet than an ereader like the original Kindle and K-Touch. So I can store not only books/magazines but also music and movies as well. What makes me hesitate is that its new....have they really worked out all the kinks....and will they be making a Fire 2 in 6 months to a year...like Apple does to correct the kinks they didnt fix in their rush to get it on the market for the holidays.
If anyone has either the K-Touch or K-Fire...please let me know what you think.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
So Christmas has come and went....there were a few gifts under the tree for me. I have a few questions about some of the gifts people give, though. Ok this didn't happen this year, but I had someone give me a used CD (as in cracked case and all) The person took the time to wrap it with a bow and my name on a sticker. The person that says "maybe they were low on funds"... could get shot. Because as far as im concerned the person didn't have to give a gift if you are struggling financially....no I'm not so materialistic that I only accept new items in fact its the opposite....I don't always have to get a gift. I'll be OKAY!
The person that says, "well maybe the person thought you would like the artist"....could get cut, because even if that is true....he could have just gave me the CD....without it being a Christmas present. Just say "hey, [Pharoah] here's a cd I didn't like, but I thought you might,"....and save the wrapping and "fanfare."
I don't know....it just strikes me as odd.
Ok speaking of odd....this year I noticed something.....almost every year my mom gives us a manicure set. I mean my dad's feet and toenails are ghastly.....broke toes, bunyons....eww But why does she give me and my brother matching sets too? Is she trying to warn us about what are feet will look like when we get to be 60? Or is she hinting that we are sporting claws of our own? Of course the problem i can't ask her cause it would probably come off as being ungrateful....but it makes me go, ....hmm.
Last thing....I been saying I want a Kindle....I thought THEBoyfriend would have picked up on it and got me one....but he didn't and went a different route.....clothes (with shoes) and a bracelet. So now I'm looking to get the Kindle for myself. I've been thinking that I would get teh Kindle Touch...since it's only $99. I have a Best Buy gift card that will cover most of the price and will have to put a little more to get it out the store ....legally. However the this morning I learned that I can use my AmEx reward points on Amazon.com and I have enough point to almost cover the cost of the new Kindle Fire. But I don't know if it would be worth it. I mean the K-Fire is more like a pc tablet than an ereader like the original Kindle and K-Touch. So I can store not only books/magazines but also music and movies as well. What makes me hesitate is that its new....have they really worked out all the kinks....and will they be making a Fire 2 in 6 months to a year...like Apple does to correct the kinks they didnt fix in their rush to get it on the market for the holidays.
If anyone has either the K-Touch or K-Fire...please let me know what you think.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
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