Self,
This house hunting process is some slow going stuff. So far my agent has shown me about 8 places...none were a good fit. One might be manageable, But it a older home, and look it...and tht's kinda a problem for me....not to mention I didn't fully like the floorplan.
However Just this passed Sunday, I happen to go to a open house right here in the neighborhood where I already stay.
I loved this place! (Short of it not having a walk in closet for the master bedroom.) My problem/dilemma is that this place puts me in the same commuting headache I'm already in...well more because I my expenses would be high own my own then here with my parents.
One said of me says do it, have some faith that it will work out. the other part of me says don't be stupid and put myself in a worse situation.
Thoughts???? If anyone is out there! lol
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Showing posts with label Scratching My Temple. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scratching My Temple. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
History Repeats Itself
Self,
Something is at work here....good or bad I can't say....it feels bad though.
I just happen to be reviewing some past entries here and I came across "It's Just Me...Nobody Else" dated 8-17-12.
And dammit if I'm not in the exact same predicament...and it hasn't even been a fuckin' year! And things are actually a bit worse.
I did manage to recover from having to spend $1200 to get Thunderbolt fixed, I've even managed to to pay off all of my credit cards (except about $500 that I planned to clear up by the end of May, but now will have to extend a bit longer.) I mentioned that I made plans to go see BabyBro...it wasn't cheap but I felt it was neccesary and I'm so glad I did, it was GREAT to see him and give him a big ole hug!
And if things could have been left there, I would consider myself blessed and highly favored for the moment.
However just a week after returning from visiting BabyBro, I had to hand over some money again on Thunderbolt's behalf....this time to a tune three times higher than what I spent in August. So reading the post from August makes me want to cry because it just literally verifies that I've just been knocked 3 steps back.
Yes, I know that I need to be positive and thankful that I have the means to resolve/absorbs those cost....and although I'm grumbling about it, I am thankful. But damn it's hard to be thankful for minor blessing in the face of big disasters.....and that only makes me frightened to know that things could still be even worse. I mean I know that life is about taking the good with the bad and vice versa and therefore things can't ever be perfect...but it would be great to be able to float in the good for a bit before being drowned in the bad.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
PS The positive thing I'm going to take from this is that for the most part I shouldn't keep myself from doing the things that bring me a bit of joy. There's no point being miserable while trying to get ahead.
Something is at work here....good or bad I can't say....it feels bad though.
I just happen to be reviewing some past entries here and I came across "It's Just Me...Nobody Else" dated 8-17-12.
And dammit if I'm not in the exact same predicament...and it hasn't even been a fuckin' year! And things are actually a bit worse.
I did manage to recover from having to spend $1200 to get Thunderbolt fixed, I've even managed to to pay off all of my credit cards (except about $500 that I planned to clear up by the end of May, but now will have to extend a bit longer.) I mentioned that I made plans to go see BabyBro...it wasn't cheap but I felt it was neccesary and I'm so glad I did, it was GREAT to see him and give him a big ole hug!
And if things could have been left there, I would consider myself blessed and highly favored for the moment.
However just a week after returning from visiting BabyBro, I had to hand over some money again on Thunderbolt's behalf....this time to a tune three times higher than what I spent in August. So reading the post from August makes me want to cry because it just literally verifies that I've just been knocked 3 steps back.
Yes, I know that I need to be positive and thankful that I have the means to resolve/absorbs those cost....and although I'm grumbling about it, I am thankful. But damn it's hard to be thankful for minor blessing in the face of big disasters.....and that only makes me frightened to know that things could still be even worse. I mean I know that life is about taking the good with the bad and vice versa and therefore things can't ever be perfect...but it would be great to be able to float in the good for a bit before being drowned in the bad.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
PS The positive thing I'm going to take from this is that for the most part I shouldn't keep myself from doing the things that bring me a bit of joy. There's no point being miserable while trying to get ahead.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
DATING: Single Player Vs Multiple Players
Self,
I would like to hear what you all think.
As of present, I find that for me I am open to getting to know more than one person at a time in terms of dating prospects.
I was told, by one prospect, that it's not right to date more than one person at a time because it's unfair. Of course he was using himself as an example. His theory is that if I'm seeing more than one person then I'm spreading myself thin. The crutch of his argument is that he can't spend as much time as possible with me getting to know me if some of my free time is spent out with other someone else.
Makes sense, right?
On the other hand, I think trying to be exclusive at this stage is unfair to me. His schedule isn't always open and for the most part he is only available Friday and Saturdays since the rest of the week he is at home taking care of his 5 year old daughter. I try to live a spontaneous lifestyle, so if on a Thursday I have the sudden urge to get out of the house, according to his theory of I'm only suppose to be getting to know him exclusively then I'm trapped having to sit at home looking at the four walls, because he is at home being a father.
Makes sense also, right?
Yes, I can see the obvious "compromise" being the idea of me going to his place on a Thursday evening, but in a way that is still being cooped up in a house. Not to mention the possibility that we did that on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Well what are your thoughts?
Sincerely,
Pharoah
I would like to hear what you all think.
As of present, I find that for me I am open to getting to know more than one person at a time in terms of dating prospects.
I was told, by one prospect, that it's not right to date more than one person at a time because it's unfair. Of course he was using himself as an example. His theory is that if I'm seeing more than one person then I'm spreading myself thin. The crutch of his argument is that he can't spend as much time as possible with me getting to know me if some of my free time is spent out with other someone else.
Makes sense, right?
On the other hand, I think trying to be exclusive at this stage is unfair to me. His schedule isn't always open and for the most part he is only available Friday and Saturdays since the rest of the week he is at home taking care of his 5 year old daughter. I try to live a spontaneous lifestyle, so if on a Thursday I have the sudden urge to get out of the house, according to his theory of I'm only suppose to be getting to know him exclusively then I'm trapped having to sit at home looking at the four walls, because he is at home being a father.
Makes sense also, right?
Yes, I can see the obvious "compromise" being the idea of me going to his place on a Thursday evening, but in a way that is still being cooped up in a house. Not to mention the possibility that we did that on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Well what are your thoughts?
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Friday, December 28, 2012
Madness...Yours or Mine?
Self,
Not too long ago I was contacted by someone who decided a while back that I wasn't worthy of being his friend. This wasn't the first time this has happened. In fact over the years since he and I first met I want to say it has happened about 4 or 5 times.
Now granted it's not that simple, we were sexually involved off and on durring some of that time and he admitted to being in love with me...despite it not being exactly reciprocated. (Meaning - yes I loved him and our friendship...but I was not in love with him.) He as some other emotional/mental issues...which places him in a space of instability.
The last time he reached out to rekindle our friendship I told him that it was the last time. If I mean anything to him as a friend then there's no reason to dismiss me as such and if there was a reason to do so then it it will probably be severe enough to make it a decision that's irrevocable....cause the friendship either has to matter enough to figure out and work through whatever is the issue or its doesn't matter at all and there's no need to bother again.
So when he sent a long series of text messages to end the friendship...I was like "cool...I'm done." And for the most part I have not thought of him until he recently sent me a text saying "What's up, [Pharoah]?"
Well I was a tad annoyed by the intrusion in my life after several months, but it also felt good to know that in that moment whatever reasons he thought he had from ending the friendship were bullsh*t (which I already knew) because here he was reaching out and I knew he would be the first to do so.
I was in the mind to ignore his text and not respond...and Schehimazade said I should ignore it. However, I did respond and in my annoyed state of mind my text was; "Is someone ill, dying or deceased?" I know...that was mean. My thought was that he would probably say say "no" and THEN I would just not respond any further.
Of course it didn't go that way, his response was "yeah me."
I didn't want to be heartless if he was serious and not respond, but I also know he has a flare for the dramatics. So I sent, "so you are texting from the grave?"
There were a couple more exchanges, he didn't say what he meant by that and just said good night a let it go.
That was almost two months ago now. I know I can't allow myself to be involved with the insanity of his life. I am sightly concerned, but for me to expose myself any more would be insane on my part, right?
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Not too long ago I was contacted by someone who decided a while back that I wasn't worthy of being his friend. This wasn't the first time this has happened. In fact over the years since he and I first met I want to say it has happened about 4 or 5 times.
Now granted it's not that simple, we were sexually involved off and on durring some of that time and he admitted to being in love with me...despite it not being exactly reciprocated. (Meaning - yes I loved him and our friendship...but I was not in love with him.) He as some other emotional/mental issues...which places him in a space of instability.
The last time he reached out to rekindle our friendship I told him that it was the last time. If I mean anything to him as a friend then there's no reason to dismiss me as such and if there was a reason to do so then it it will probably be severe enough to make it a decision that's irrevocable....cause the friendship either has to matter enough to figure out and work through whatever is the issue or its doesn't matter at all and there's no need to bother again.
So when he sent a long series of text messages to end the friendship...I was like "cool...I'm done." And for the most part I have not thought of him until he recently sent me a text saying "What's up, [Pharoah]?"
Well I was a tad annoyed by the intrusion in my life after several months, but it also felt good to know that in that moment whatever reasons he thought he had from ending the friendship were bullsh*t (which I already knew) because here he was reaching out and I knew he would be the first to do so.
I was in the mind to ignore his text and not respond...and Schehimazade said I should ignore it. However, I did respond and in my annoyed state of mind my text was; "Is someone ill, dying or deceased?" I know...that was mean. My thought was that he would probably say say "no" and THEN I would just not respond any further.
Of course it didn't go that way, his response was "yeah me."
I didn't want to be heartless if he was serious and not respond, but I also know he has a flare for the dramatics. So I sent, "so you are texting from the grave?"
There were a couple more exchanges, he didn't say what he meant by that and just said good night a let it go.
That was almost two months ago now. I know I can't allow myself to be involved with the insanity of his life. I am sightly concerned, but for me to expose myself any more would be insane on my part, right?
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Friday, October 12, 2012
Strap It Up and Strap It On!?
Self,
So I don't know what I'm doing that is attracting this...array of people.
Last night on one of those social media phone apps....I got hit up by a WOMAN...no I don't mean a fem gay man....I mean a W-O-M-A-N who wants to meet a man that would be willing to let her F*ck him using a strap on dildo.
PS...Dammit when I put it that way....it's kinda a turn on! That is cutting the beast loose, not the strap on.
So I don't know what I'm doing that is attracting this...array of people.
Last night on one of those social media phone apps....I got hit up by a WOMAN...no I don't mean a fem gay man....I mean a W-O-M-A-N who wants to meet a man that would be willing to let her F*ck him using a strap on dildo.
I don't know what made her think I would be open to it. When she asked me about rather I would be open to it...because the conversation started with the game backgammon, I told her I didn't know cause I never thought about it. I asked her why don't she do it with a nother woman...and she said he not attracted to women that way....go figure.
I feel like I am sending out a "bat-signal" into the universe that reads something like the plaque on the statue of liberty...."send me your inexperienced, horny, freaky huddled masses...."
I have had a number of virgins approach me ...some wanting me to be their first. Did I mention the kid that asked if I knew any other tops/vers guys...and if I could host a group?
Man, if I were to ever let my internal sex beast cut loose....I would either shrivel up from all the semen I would have to produce to keep up....or would simply drown from it!
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Friday, August 17, 2012
It's Just ME...nobody else.
Self,
Well it would appear that since nobody is commenting that it's probably a sign meaning that nobody is reading this blog anymore, which may just be how the cookie crumbles, I guess.
At the same time, "irredardless" of that...I just want to vent at the moment.
Why is is always so damn hard. I'm starting to think that it is pure lunacy for us people to have a little faith that things will work out for the best.
I've moved back home, giving up on some of the things I like to do with the idea of making some sacrafices to be responsible.
Now after two years....JUST as I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel per se......Thunderbolt is ill and had to take him the the mechanic......and to get him feeling better I have to come up with $1200!
To spend that kind of money...will suddenly make the credit card hole I've been working to fill for the past two years a hella lot deeper meaning that it will take me longer to pay that mess off. OR I will have to tap into the meager savings I've been stashing away as a downpayment on a house...making it longer that I'll have to stay at my parents to afford to make that purchase in order to recoop that loss. Either way I will have to stay at my parents a bit longer.
It almost makes me feel that all the things I like to do that I didn't do were sacraficed for nothing. My biggest sacrafices have been not taking any trips...for fun (I did take a few for business that I managed to squeeze out some fun on, but that wasn't the purpose of the trips.) I would love to get out of LA and hit up NYC, I could have went to Miami earlier this year but I said it wasn't the fiscally responsible thing to do, so I didn't. I been wanting a 64G iTouch for 2-3 years now but that $300 I decided to put towards my debt...and well continue to do so since I haven't bought it.
Maybe I should just say to hell with it and do something for myself....that voucher is sounding good...although I was going to let it go so I would spend the money on airfare to go someplace to use it.
I don't know, it almost make more sense to think that everything is always going to be fucked up...and that "good things" that come my way are really just things being not as fucked up.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Well it would appear that since nobody is commenting that it's probably a sign meaning that nobody is reading this blog anymore, which may just be how the cookie crumbles, I guess.
At the same time, "irredardless" of that...I just want to vent at the moment.
Why is is always so damn hard. I'm starting to think that it is pure lunacy for us people to have a little faith that things will work out for the best.
I've moved back home, giving up on some of the things I like to do with the idea of making some sacrafices to be responsible.
Now after two years....JUST as I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel per se......Thunderbolt is ill and had to take him the the mechanic......and to get him feeling better I have to come up with $1200!
To spend that kind of money...will suddenly make the credit card hole I've been working to fill for the past two years a hella lot deeper meaning that it will take me longer to pay that mess off. OR I will have to tap into the meager savings I've been stashing away as a downpayment on a house...making it longer that I'll have to stay at my parents to afford to make that purchase in order to recoop that loss. Either way I will have to stay at my parents a bit longer.
It almost makes me feel that all the things I like to do that I didn't do were sacraficed for nothing. My biggest sacrafices have been not taking any trips...for fun (I did take a few for business that I managed to squeeze out some fun on, but that wasn't the purpose of the trips.) I would love to get out of LA and hit up NYC, I could have went to Miami earlier this year but I said it wasn't the fiscally responsible thing to do, so I didn't. I been wanting a 64G iTouch for 2-3 years now but that $300 I decided to put towards my debt...and well continue to do so since I haven't bought it.
Maybe I should just say to hell with it and do something for myself....that voucher is sounding good...although I was going to let it go so I would spend the money on airfare to go someplace to use it.
I don't know, it almost make more sense to think that everything is always going to be fucked up...and that "good things" that come my way are really just things being not as fucked up.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Thursday, July 26, 2012
The Animals......Politically Speaking
Self,
Ok I gotta ask, is anyone else watching this "limited series event" as they are calling it, "Political Animals," on the USA cable network?
I started watching because I like Sigourney Weaver. I think she is a great actress and this being the first television show (that I can recall) that she has starred in I was willing to give it a shot. Well, I have to say it's pretty good.
So the premise: Weaver plays former First Lady and current Secretary of State, Elaine Hammond. Elaine made a run for the presidency but had to conceed victory in the primaries to a younger, "less expereinced," male opponent, who ultimately becomes President of the United States.
Now, I'm sure you can tell from that decription that it's no secret that Elaine Hammond is a character that pays homage to real-life Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. Add on the fact that Elaine's ex-husband, former President "Bud" Hammond, is known for his scandalous sexploits and affairs while in the White House and the resemblance becomes even more clear.
There are major differences between the Hammonds and the Clintons, first of which is obviously the divorce of the fictional Hammonds. As well as the fact that in stead of a daughter, the Hammonds had twin sons, one of which is credited as being the first openly gay child in the White House. (That I think was done for the theatrics and to capture some gay audience members.)
With the similarities tied down in place, it makes me wonder, what's the point? Is it just entertainment? Is it simply someone's "what if" thought come to life on screen? Add the fact that at the end of the first episode Elaine Hammond secretly decides to make a second run for the Presidency against her fellow political party member and the incombant, could it be propaganda? Usually fiction comes from real life events but occasionally real life falls into step behind fiction. Could the show be a ploy to see how America would feel about Mrs. Clinton taking another bid for the Presidency? Considering that the Presidential election is like 4 months away I don't think that it's likely that Hillary will be trying to run against Obama and Biden aside from it being possible career suicide if she tried under those circumstance. But who's to say the show isn't planting a seed for 2016.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Monday, June 4, 2012
More Ups & Downs from Memorial Weekend.
Self,
So I was in Phoenix for several days and the incident with the 5AMer was actually still pretty early in my visit and there were others guys I had planned to meet....both of these are platonic connections.
The first is an up situation. we have been chatting for a while and we simply conversed while stuffing our faces....no problems. The guy, IC, seems cool and I think we will continue to build towards a good friendship.
The down....well is should have been an up...but it went wrong. I already have decided what I'm going to do but I'm just getting it off my chest.
So this guy, WG, we had talked years ago and reconnect a while back...I think even before I met KB...but there wasn't any romance talk because he is in a relationship...so was I at the time. And we mostly played "Word with Friends," Scramble with Friends," and "Hanging with Friends." Nothing major.
So the Sunday of the holiday weekend we planned to meet initially at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf....but I was getting hungry and suggest lunch. Then he says something about not being sure if he want's to tell his boyfriend about me because his boyfriend gets jealous easily. I could care less if he tells the boyfriend or not so I am confused and text, "Well it's up to you....I doubt you plan to take me back to your plave to have hot sex on a platter so there's really nothing for him to be jealous about. but you know him best."
"Yeah he is crazy sometimes...and your moral values would prevent us from having hot sex on a platter."
I send, "My moral values or yours?" [Side bar...I'm a guy, I wasn't looking for sex, didn't really have any interest in sex with him....but I'm a guy...if you are going to offer than I'm going to be open to it...besides my feelings about it is that I can always say no at any time....even if you are standing in front of me naked with an erection...if I'm not feeling it then I'm not feeling it. So since he made the offer I'll see where it goes.]
"Ours, but if you want to come over tomorrow you can send the night. That would be better."
"So you don't want to meet today?"
"If you want a shot at sex tomorrow is better cuz he'll be home and I'll be at my place."
I send, "LOL oh so you want to have sex? Well we can postpone...but lunch today doesn't mean no sex tomorrow."
"LOL. I told [the boyfriend] and he acting up so I told him you are heading back in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow night XXXX Streent name here."
The next day I try to get WG to set a time to meet because I was to also coordinate meeting with IC because where I was staying is like 30 miles outside the city I didn't want to meet IC then drive to My cousin's then turn around to drive back to Phoenix to meet up with WG. We set a time but then he flakes on meeting by saying the boyfriend is drunk and he wants to go home with him. I understood and let it go.
So a couple days later I'm going about my business at home and get a text from WG saying hi and he sorry I didn't get the sex I was wanting in there in Phoenix.
I told him I was not looking for sex and that it was his suggestion and remind him that I said that we WEREN'T having sex so there was nothing for his boyfriend to be jealous about.
He then said he made the offer to go to his place as a test because he was curious about my motives..but sex didn't really cross his mind.
Then he gives me a load of crap about how he wish I respected relationships more but he respects me immensely for being honest about my willingness to mess with guys who are in relationships. Then texts, " You values and mine are very different mine, You are moe selfish. There is an innocent party involved, someone who your moment of greediness and disrespect may directly -god forbid- or if the innocent one is lucky inadvertently affect. The fact that your moral prism doesn't include that person in view is disconerting is all Im saying. It's short sighted, myopic and selfish to put it mildly."
Im floored at the audacity. I send back "Hmm that's really the pot callin the kettle black...the meer suggestion that YOU were willing to cheat on your relationship shows the same selfishness and disrepect for the innocent part. Which makes your accessment of my "moral compass" quite hypocritical."
"Not at all....blah blah blah...I don't expect that we'll agree on the matter at all because we dont come from the same moral upbringing-we dont have the same value system so I don't expect you to "get it" as it were, but I'm just expessing myself for the bery selfish motive of getting it off my chest. I don't expect to win you to my side whatsoever, your values are something you are content with and I respect it, but it informs me what access I can offer to my life."
"I feel you are back pedallin since I've told you how your test was flawed ...because it is crazy to think your boyfriend is going to be jealous of two friends meeting for lunch so raising that point was the initial problem because really it's a mute point. However I'm tired of this game...u want to stand in judment...then so be it. What I get is that u have a need to be self-righteous and feel that u are superior in some way....so you can have that too. I don't want a friend who is going to try to judge me when he sets me up to fail. So we can keep the accest to each other like it is. Sorry my attempt to get to know u better was just a game for you."
Then he says he agrees contact should be limited and the conversation should be more "surface" which I took to meanhe meant superficial and asked me if I heard any good music lately...
I intertained that for a bit...but really I wasn't interested in the convo anymore.
Truth of the matter is that I think we have a different opinion of what "limited access" to each other will mean, I'm not sure what he think it means but suffice it to say...from this point on...for me the only access I'm allowing is the continued participation of the games of Scamble and Hanging with friends....something I do with random strangers anyway...and now I know he's nothing more than that.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
So I was in Phoenix for several days and the incident with the 5AMer was actually still pretty early in my visit and there were others guys I had planned to meet....both of these are platonic connections.
The first is an up situation. we have been chatting for a while and we simply conversed while stuffing our faces....no problems. The guy, IC, seems cool and I think we will continue to build towards a good friendship.
The down....well is should have been an up...but it went wrong. I already have decided what I'm going to do but I'm just getting it off my chest.
So this guy, WG, we had talked years ago and reconnect a while back...I think even before I met KB...but there wasn't any romance talk because he is in a relationship...so was I at the time. And we mostly played "Word with Friends," Scramble with Friends," and "Hanging with Friends." Nothing major.
So the Sunday of the holiday weekend we planned to meet initially at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf....but I was getting hungry and suggest lunch. Then he says something about not being sure if he want's to tell his boyfriend about me because his boyfriend gets jealous easily. I could care less if he tells the boyfriend or not so I am confused and text, "Well it's up to you....I doubt you plan to take me back to your plave to have hot sex on a platter so there's really nothing for him to be jealous about. but you know him best."
"Yeah he is crazy sometimes...and your moral values would prevent us from having hot sex on a platter."
I send, "My moral values or yours?" [Side bar...I'm a guy, I wasn't looking for sex, didn't really have any interest in sex with him....but I'm a guy...if you are going to offer than I'm going to be open to it...besides my feelings about it is that I can always say no at any time....even if you are standing in front of me naked with an erection...if I'm not feeling it then I'm not feeling it. So since he made the offer I'll see where it goes.]
"Ours, but if you want to come over tomorrow you can send the night. That would be better."
"So you don't want to meet today?"
"If you want a shot at sex tomorrow is better cuz he'll be home and I'll be at my place."
I send, "LOL oh so you want to have sex? Well we can postpone...but lunch today doesn't mean no sex tomorrow."
"LOL. I told [the boyfriend] and he acting up so I told him you are heading back in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow night XXXX Streent name here."
The next day I try to get WG to set a time to meet because I was to also coordinate meeting with IC because where I was staying is like 30 miles outside the city I didn't want to meet IC then drive to My cousin's then turn around to drive back to Phoenix to meet up with WG. We set a time but then he flakes on meeting by saying the boyfriend is drunk and he wants to go home with him. I understood and let it go.
So a couple days later I'm going about my business at home and get a text from WG saying hi and he sorry I didn't get the sex I was wanting in there in Phoenix.
I told him I was not looking for sex and that it was his suggestion and remind him that I said that we WEREN'T having sex so there was nothing for his boyfriend to be jealous about.
He then said he made the offer to go to his place as a test because he was curious about my motives..but sex didn't really cross his mind.
Then he gives me a load of crap about how he wish I respected relationships more but he respects me immensely for being honest about my willingness to mess with guys who are in relationships. Then texts, " You values and mine are very different mine, You are moe selfish. There is an innocent party involved, someone who your moment of greediness and disrespect may directly -god forbid- or if the innocent one is lucky inadvertently affect. The fact that your moral prism doesn't include that person in view is disconerting is all Im saying. It's short sighted, myopic and selfish to put it mildly."
Im floored at the audacity. I send back "Hmm that's really the pot callin the kettle black...the meer suggestion that YOU were willing to cheat on your relationship shows the same selfishness and disrepect for the innocent part. Which makes your accessment of my "moral compass" quite hypocritical."
"Not at all....blah blah blah...I don't expect that we'll agree on the matter at all because we dont come from the same moral upbringing-we dont have the same value system so I don't expect you to "get it" as it were, but I'm just expessing myself for the bery selfish motive of getting it off my chest. I don't expect to win you to my side whatsoever, your values are something you are content with and I respect it, but it informs me what access I can offer to my life."
"I feel you are back pedallin since I've told you how your test was flawed ...because it is crazy to think your boyfriend is going to be jealous of two friends meeting for lunch so raising that point was the initial problem because really it's a mute point. However I'm tired of this game...u want to stand in judment...then so be it. What I get is that u have a need to be self-righteous and feel that u are superior in some way....so you can have that too. I don't want a friend who is going to try to judge me when he sets me up to fail. So we can keep the accest to each other like it is. Sorry my attempt to get to know u better was just a game for you."
Then he says he agrees contact should be limited and the conversation should be more "surface" which I took to meanhe meant superficial and asked me if I heard any good music lately...
I intertained that for a bit...but really I wasn't interested in the convo anymore.
Truth of the matter is that I think we have a different opinion of what "limited access" to each other will mean, I'm not sure what he think it means but suffice it to say...from this point on...for me the only access I'm allowing is the continued participation of the games of Scamble and Hanging with friends....something I do with random strangers anyway...and now I know he's nothing more than that.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
I Need to Start a Pettition....
Self,
So I've been working graveyard shift again. I don't know about other parts of the country but gas prices has rose to almost $5 a gallon here in Los Angeles....and Thunderbolt as a gas guzzling SUV has been hard on the wallet so while workign graveyard I've taken to riding public transportation....with the hopes of continuing to do so when I go back on day shift.
Now that the background has been put in place, I can tell tonight's story.
I raced to the "subway" (it's actually above ground) station to catch the 9pm train to Downtown LA. I swipe my TAP card and walk up the platform's ramp. There's not many people on the platform, but there's four people near where I like to wait for the train. There's a guy with his bike standing off to himself with earbuds. Not more than four steps passed him there's three youngsters sitting on the bench, two guys and one girl but the girl is actually sitting in one guy's lap.....which made it look like it was only two people sitting on the bench until you got close enough. No big deal, I've seen similar scenes before.
I stop about five feet away from the trio to wait for the train as I adjust my jacket.
"Hey, are you a registered voter?" asks the guy with the lap that's empty except for a clipboard.
I hesitate to respond...not really wanting to be bother. "Yeah, I am."
"Would you like to sign this pettition?" The kid holds up the clipboard towards me from where he is sitting.
I instantly regret having identified myself as a registered voter, but I move on. "Well, what is it for?"
"It's for [mumble, mumble - blah blah blah,]" he says still holding the clipboard out to me.
Okay so sometimes I am hard of hearing So I don't know if he was really inarticulate with what he was saying or if I just was having a deaf moment, so I don't really know the point of the pettition. I figure I'd save us both a headache, "Naw, man I'm not interested."
The kid flips a page on his clipboard then says, "Well, what about this one that decrease taxes for eduaction?"
Damn. I was I should've known there was another one. Lower taxes and promoting education....I ought to help. After a couple seconds of indecisiveness I ask, "what you say that one is about again?"
I guess we both were having issues with this exchance because the kid looks down at the paper with a slightly confused expression on his face. A split second later the confusion is gone and replaced with annoyance ashe stands up and walks over to me. "It's to reduce taxes for education."
As he hands me the clipboard I am also hit with the pungent odor of weed. I'm not a fan of the stuff but to each his own. I look up and there's a train starting to pull into the station. I guess the kid sees something in my face as I notice the train to cause him some concern of not getting my signature. "Yo, your train is coming." Maybe he thought that pointing out the train would push me to sign withtout reading the pettition, so I wouldn't miss it.
I see the distance train is and estimate how much time I had before it would leave again. I figured I could skim the summary and scribble my name even if that meant doing so while hanging out the train doors for a second or two to finish. So I look down at the pettition and see a block of text. I look for the beginning of the paragraph to read as much as I could in the time I had left. The first line read:
I take a few steps to the other side of the platform. As I'm sending Schehimazade a text about a kid wanting my signature for a pettition but was too high to explain what the pettition is for, the kid gets up while his friends get on the train going in the opposite direction....the last text I send Schehimazade;
Sincerely,
Pharoah
As I'm exchanging texts with Schehimazade, a train going in the opposite direction arrives and the
So I've been working graveyard shift again. I don't know about other parts of the country but gas prices has rose to almost $5 a gallon here in Los Angeles....and Thunderbolt as a gas guzzling SUV has been hard on the wallet so while workign graveyard I've taken to riding public transportation....with the hopes of continuing to do so when I go back on day shift.
Now that the background has been put in place, I can tell tonight's story.
I raced to the "subway" (it's actually above ground) station to catch the 9pm train to Downtown LA. I swipe my TAP card and walk up the platform's ramp. There's not many people on the platform, but there's four people near where I like to wait for the train. There's a guy with his bike standing off to himself with earbuds. Not more than four steps passed him there's three youngsters sitting on the bench, two guys and one girl but the girl is actually sitting in one guy's lap.....which made it look like it was only two people sitting on the bench until you got close enough. No big deal, I've seen similar scenes before.
I stop about five feet away from the trio to wait for the train as I adjust my jacket.
"Hey, are you a registered voter?" asks the guy with the lap that's empty except for a clipboard.
I hesitate to respond...not really wanting to be bother. "Yeah, I am."
"Would you like to sign this pettition?" The kid holds up the clipboard towards me from where he is sitting.
I instantly regret having identified myself as a registered voter, but I move on. "Well, what is it for?"
"It's for [mumble, mumble - blah blah blah,]" he says still holding the clipboard out to me.
Okay so sometimes I am hard of hearing So I don't know if he was really inarticulate with what he was saying or if I just was having a deaf moment, so I don't really know the point of the pettition. I figure I'd save us both a headache, "Naw, man I'm not interested."
The kid flips a page on his clipboard then says, "Well, what about this one that decrease taxes for eduaction?"
Damn. I was I should've known there was another one. Lower taxes and promoting education....I ought to help. After a couple seconds of indecisiveness I ask, "what you say that one is about again?"
I guess we both were having issues with this exchance because the kid looks down at the paper with a slightly confused expression on his face. A split second later the confusion is gone and replaced with annoyance ashe stands up and walks over to me. "It's to reduce taxes for education."
As he hands me the clipboard I am also hit with the pungent odor of weed. I'm not a fan of the stuff but to each his own. I look up and there's a train starting to pull into the station. I guess the kid sees something in my face as I notice the train to cause him some concern of not getting my signature. "Yo, your train is coming." Maybe he thought that pointing out the train would push me to sign withtout reading the pettition, so I wouldn't miss it.
I see the distance train is and estimate how much time I had before it would leave again. I figured I could skim the summary and scribble my name even if that meant doing so while hanging out the train doors for a second or two to finish. So I look down at the pettition and see a block of text. I look for the beginning of the paragraph to read as much as I could in the time I had left. The first line read:
Increases personal taxes......I was disappointed and didn't want to read anymore, "Ah man it says it Increases taxes....I'm good, but thanks." I hand him back the pettition. The kid looks at me like he's upset that I could read and saw the error of what he had told me. I look away and look to see how much longer before the train stops, only to see that the sign on the train says it is out of service. The train continues without stopping. The kid walks away and sits back on the bench with his friends.
I take a few steps to the other side of the platform. As I'm sending Schehimazade a text about a kid wanting my signature for a pettition but was too high to explain what the pettition is for, the kid gets up while his friends get on the train going in the opposite direction....the last text I send Schehimazade;
...he has a nice ass too...lol he might have got the signature if he wasn't sitting on it when he first asked me.Yeah I know, I'm a journey like no other.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
As I'm exchanging texts with Schehimazade, a train going in the opposite direction arrives and the
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Done
Self,
Well THEBoyfriend and I have come to the end of the line. I don't want to go in to the gruesome details, the short answer from my perspective is that we realized that although we want the samethings, we are on two different pages as to how and when to get there, and that's going ot put us at odds. Suffice it to say that we agreed to remain friends. However he has suggested that we talk more so we can see if we can get back together. ....But I don't think that's what I want.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Well THEBoyfriend and I have come to the end of the line. I don't want to go in to the gruesome details, the short answer from my perspective is that we realized that although we want the samethings, we are on two different pages as to how and when to get there, and that's going ot put us at odds. Suffice it to say that we agreed to remain friends. However he has suggested that we talk more so we can see if we can get back together. ....But I don't think that's what I want.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
With My Own Eyes.........
Self,
Speaking of the things I've seen on the train. Right after writing my last post, I had to ride the train home. On one leg of my journey I had saw the fashionably distinct Gucci logo pattern.....you know
GC GC GC
/ \ / \ / \
GC GC GC GC
\ / \ / \ /
GC GC GC
That was TATTOOED on some guy's FACE!
I was DONE!
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Speaking of the things I've seen on the train. Right after writing my last post, I had to ride the train home. On one leg of my journey I had saw the fashionably distinct Gucci logo pattern.....you know
GC GC GC
/ \ / \ / \
GC GC GC GC
\ / \ / \ /
GC GC GC
That was TATTOOED on some guy's FACE!
I was DONE!
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
I Just Heard....
Self,
Well this morning on my way to work, I heard a news snippet that the R&B star, Sly Stone of the group Sly & the Family Stone, is currently destitute here in the Los Angeles area. It's reported that he is living in a camper in the Crenshaw district, where a retired couple makes sure he eats atleast once a day and allow him the use of their shower.
My reason for posting initially was that I saw this as a tradgic example of people (ok and specificaly Black people) coming into a whole lot of money and not knowing how to properly handle it, which eventually leads to it being squander. Helping to educate people on how to make better choices is why I am working in the financial industry. It's my belief that we would do better, if we know better.
When I got to a computer I did a google search, really looking for a picture to use in my posting, but I found an article that I read in stead to get more info. The article partially confirmed my suspicion, in so much as it was reported that Stone bought numerous, "toys" like cars and motorcyles. Stone also states that his situation stems from drug addiction, and a problem with what sounds like corrupt management.
The article also annoyed me due to the fact that it's opening paragraph states that Stone isliving in "a rough Los Angeles neighborhood," and the second paragraph states that "parks his motor home in the Crenshaw section of L.A., the brutal neighborhood where the movie "Boyz n the Hood" was filmed." Now I don't know if the movie reference is true or not, but either way it certainly paints the area with the images from the MOVIE and not neccesarily the full reality. For all we know, he might be parking his camper in the pocket where there are homes worth upwards of a million dollars? It certainly does not paint that community fairly as the Over-worked and Under paid citizens that live there. I ain't saying that the place is paradise....but I don't think they should envoke the idea of hell on earth either.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Well this morning on my way to work, I heard a news snippet that the R&B star, Sly Stone of the group Sly & the Family Stone, is currently destitute here in the Los Angeles area. It's reported that he is living in a camper in the Crenshaw district, where a retired couple makes sure he eats atleast once a day and allow him the use of their shower.
My reason for posting initially was that I saw this as a tradgic example of people (ok and specificaly Black people) coming into a whole lot of money and not knowing how to properly handle it, which eventually leads to it being squander. Helping to educate people on how to make better choices is why I am working in the financial industry. It's my belief that we would do better, if we know better.
When I got to a computer I did a google search, really looking for a picture to use in my posting, but I found an article that I read in stead to get more info. The article partially confirmed my suspicion, in so much as it was reported that Stone bought numerous, "toys" like cars and motorcyles. Stone also states that his situation stems from drug addiction, and a problem with what sounds like corrupt management.
The article also annoyed me due to the fact that it's opening paragraph states that Stone isliving in "a rough Los Angeles neighborhood," and the second paragraph states that "parks his motor home in the Crenshaw section of L.A., the brutal neighborhood where the movie "Boyz n the Hood" was filmed." Now I don't know if the movie reference is true or not, but either way it certainly paints the area with the images from the MOVIE and not neccesarily the full reality. For all we know, he might be parking his camper in the pocket where there are homes worth upwards of a million dollars? It certainly does not paint that community fairly as the Over-worked and Under paid citizens that live there. I ain't saying that the place is paradise....but I don't think they should envoke the idea of hell on earth either.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Monday, August 29, 2011
In My Head...or in My Bed
Self,
I must start out by saying that things with KB are going very well, and I'm not complaining. I've already stated that we went jet skiing, countless movies and dinners, went to see Jill Scott two weeks ago, going to see Janet Jackson next week, and plan to go to Atlanta for Thanksgiving to hang with his best friend, her girlfriend, and a few other of their mutual friends. Prince Esquire is making a permanent return to Cali and there's been discussion about a couple local road trips that I've mention with KB. So as I said, things are good.
THAT SAID! When I came across this picture on someone else's blog, I couldn't help but think why can't I be dating someone like him?
I mean he is FINE, look at that body...I just hope the lower half is equally as impressive. Nothing worse than looking at a man with a great upper body on top of some scrawny legs with no thighs, calves or ass!
There's a part of me that says there is hope for someone like that to come along in my life and be madly in love with me and I'd feel the same way about him. There's also a part of me that thinks someone like that will NEVER be interested in me.
The irony is I think I know that the former thought comes from a place of greed, wanting what I don't of can't have and obviously lust. The latter thought I'm sure just comes from my own insecurities and self-doubt that I'm sure many of us share to some degree or another.
No I'm not about to walk away from KB to go hunt for my hunk.....but I'd be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
I must start out by saying that things with KB are going very well, and I'm not complaining. I've already stated that we went jet skiing, countless movies and dinners, went to see Jill Scott two weeks ago, going to see Janet Jackson next week, and plan to go to Atlanta for Thanksgiving to hang with his best friend, her girlfriend, and a few other of their mutual friends. Prince Esquire is making a permanent return to Cali and there's been discussion about a couple local road trips that I've mention with KB. So as I said, things are good.
THAT SAID! When I came across this picture on someone else's blog, I couldn't help but think why can't I be dating someone like him?
There's a part of me that says there is hope for someone like that to come along in my life and be madly in love with me and I'd feel the same way about him. There's also a part of me that thinks someone like that will NEVER be interested in me.
The irony is I think I know that the former thought comes from a place of greed, wanting what I don't of can't have and obviously lust. The latter thought I'm sure just comes from my own insecurities and self-doubt that I'm sure many of us share to some degree or another.
No I'm not about to walk away from KB to go hunt for my hunk.....but I'd be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Tarot
Self,
Recently, I had a tarot card reading done on my behalf. Well it was a small group of us hanging out and drinking, laughing, and just hanging out. I had watched others gone before me. Their readings seem to make sense and it gave me enough encouragement to have my done, so I did.
I have to say it was......extremely interesting....even slightly fascinating. I won't go over the entire reading but I will share some of it.
To start I was told to shuffle the deck while continually asking a single question in my head. Once I was done shuffling and returned the cards to the reader I was instructed to choose one of three categories for the reader to frame the responses/interpretation of the cards. However, from watching the previous readings I knew that there was a fourth option of having just a "General" reading, which was my choice.
No surprise that the reading touched on my relationship with KB. The Tarot Cards suggested that KB will be with me for as long as I want, I just have to become comfortable with the idea of him being attentive and supportive. It also had some commentary on my friendship with Schehimazade in so much that he is very protective of his friends (and me specifically according to my reading.) Overall, it was all positive stuff.
The one thing that seemed most curious to me, was that before my reading actually started the person doing the reading asked me to pick a card from the deck because he had a question regarding me. The question he had was rather I had the ability to read the Tarot Cards myself. According to the card I pulled the response is yes and that I would be very good at it. Go figure! I'll admit there has always been a curiosity and fascination even with the mysticism, but I don't know if tarot reading is something i would want to pursue.....at the same time there are a couple of people for whom I would be intrigue to see the results of their readings from me.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Recently, I had a tarot card reading done on my behalf. Well it was a small group of us hanging out and drinking, laughing, and just hanging out. I had watched others gone before me. Their readings seem to make sense and it gave me enough encouragement to have my done, so I did.
I have to say it was......extremely interesting....even slightly fascinating. I won't go over the entire reading but I will share some of it.
To start I was told to shuffle the deck while continually asking a single question in my head. Once I was done shuffling and returned the cards to the reader I was instructed to choose one of three categories for the reader to frame the responses/interpretation of the cards. However, from watching the previous readings I knew that there was a fourth option of having just a "General" reading, which was my choice.
No surprise that the reading touched on my relationship with KB. The Tarot Cards suggested that KB will be with me for as long as I want, I just have to become comfortable with the idea of him being attentive and supportive. It also had some commentary on my friendship with Schehimazade in so much that he is very protective of his friends (and me specifically according to my reading.) Overall, it was all positive stuff.
The one thing that seemed most curious to me, was that before my reading actually started the person doing the reading asked me to pick a card from the deck because he had a question regarding me. The question he had was rather I had the ability to read the Tarot Cards myself. According to the card I pulled the response is yes and that I would be very good at it. Go figure! I'll admit there has always been a curiosity and fascination even with the mysticism, but I don't know if tarot reading is something i would want to pursue.....at the same time there are a couple of people for whom I would be intrigue to see the results of their readings from me.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Monday, July 25, 2011
This ANNOYS the Hell Out of Me.
Self,
Yes this is something that seems to almost boil my blood.
It really works my last nerves when people accuse me of being out of touch, unavailable, indisposed unreachable or any other word like that, when their number has not appeared on my caller id once!
Maintaining the friendships with these people is not my responsibility alone. Last I checked it takes two individuals to have a friendship. I understand we have lives that are seperate from the other, and just because we haven't talked in a bit doesn't mean that I've suddenly abandoned the friendship. Honestly, my feeling is who ever has the time to realize that they haven't heard from the other, also has the time to reach out and touch someone! It's not that hard for you to call or text. I mean, no, it may not be as easy as just sitting on your ass waiting to hear from me and complaining because you haven't...but it is easy.
Do you know what really drives me crazy? I mean like...
CRAZY! What really seems to work my last nerves is the "since you got a man, nobody can get in touch with you." As far as I know, KB isn't a CIA spy with cell phone jamming technology nor is he Harry Potter that has magical charms around his place to prevents your call from reaching my phone when you want to talk to me. I mean to me it's so assinine to me that I want to cuss people out when that kind of BS comes out their mouth. Oh why yes, (said in blonde southern belle accent) I know the difference between someone being serious or joking, so please don't make it worse and insult my intelligence by saying "I'm just joking" when I check you on the fact that you haven't called me and therefore don't really have the right to complain.I don't get why people trip on someone developing a relationship. The people that are complaining about me being out of reach without calling weren't calling me when I was sitting at home watching TV alone. And the ones that did call then......call now. I have not become some hermit ...well not any more than I already was. My real friends know my general rule. When you need/want to call me....call. If I'm able to answer, I do. if I can't, then leave a message but most likely...all it takes is for me to see the "missed call" and I'll call you back. However, when I answer, I'll find out what's going on and the reason for the call. (ie, they have a question, want to make plans to hang out, shoot the breeze, or want some advice about a situation in their life.) At the same time I try to tell them what's going on with me at that moment, (ie I'm going into a meeting, I'm sitting in front of the tv, I'm out at dinner, I'm doing some shopping.) And at that point we make a judgement call....can this conversation continue or does it need to be postponed.
I'm usually very flexible and accomadating, and take the call. Even if cause problems for me. Like yesterday, I was in the middle of moving furniture with my mom and I got a call. Someone wanted some advice on a situation envolving another person. So they tell me the circumstances and as I'm responding, my mom starts fussing at me for being on the phone when we are working and I'm holding other people up. It's not the caller fault and I don't hold it against him, I told him what I thought about the situation, he thanked me and I told him I had to go. Not a problem.
The Point. Yes, I am Pharoah, divine in all my splendor, and borrowing a line from Ms. Scott "I'm the magnificent"...but I AIN'T Miss Cleo! How am I suppose to know that as a friend you are missing me....UNLESS YOU CALL AND TELL ME!
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Monday, July 11, 2011
Mistake has been made.
Self,
So earlier this week I think put myself in a compromising position with KB and I'm not sure what my next step should be.
I spent the whole Fourth of July weekend with KB, his best friend and her girlfriend. It just happened that Schehimazade was going to come to LA on the Fourth and due to his, mine and KB's schedules that was going to be the only night that we could get together. So we agreed that I would pick Schehimazade at the airport, we would go out to KB's place to hang out for a while and then I would take Schechimazade to his mom's in Long Beach, before I went home.
All was good until I got to LAX and went to meet Schehimazade at the baggage claim. I get there and he is chatting with the sexy man. He introduced us to each other and we all talked while they were waiting for their luggage. They claim their bags and we walk out to the curb, Schehimazade and S@L (short for Sexy at LAX) exchange numbers then Schehimazade and I walk towards my car and leave S@L where he stood as he waited for his ride.
Now the whole time I was there I assumed they already new each other...like this may have been a coworker until they exchanged numbers. So the minute Schehimazade and I are alone, of course, I comment on how sexy I think S@L is and ask how they knew each other....and come to find out that they had just met there at baggage claim, although Schehimazade had seen him at the airport in Vegas before getting on the flight.
I'm not sure what came over me but I had Schehimazade call S@L to find out if his ride had arrived. It turned out that S@L was just going to take the SuperShuttle home and we were going to pass by the area he lived on our way to KB's place.....so we offered him a ride home.
When we arrived at S@L's place he invited us inside for a drink. I know we should have declined and kept on our way to KB's. But for some reason I agreed to go in thinking another 15-20 minutes wouldn't be a big deal and I texted KB that we were caught in some traffic. I know....I know =(
There was some truth to that in that we did actually run in to some traffic on the way to S@L. Well, although it wasn't intentional...my supposed 20 minute "layover" got extended. We didn't get to to KB's until well after midnight...nearly 3 hours after Schehimazade's plane landed.
So I don't know if I should come clean with KB and tell him that the traffic wasn't the real cause of our delay that night but rather the detour, or should I just keep my mouth shut and stick the the traffic story?
Sincerely,
Pharoah
So earlier this week I think put myself in a compromising position with KB and I'm not sure what my next step should be.
I spent the whole Fourth of July weekend with KB, his best friend and her girlfriend. It just happened that Schehimazade was going to come to LA on the Fourth and due to his, mine and KB's schedules that was going to be the only night that we could get together. So we agreed that I would pick Schehimazade at the airport, we would go out to KB's place to hang out for a while and then I would take Schechimazade to his mom's in Long Beach, before I went home.
All was good until I got to LAX and went to meet Schehimazade at the baggage claim. I get there and he is chatting with the sexy man. He introduced us to each other and we all talked while they were waiting for their luggage. They claim their bags and we walk out to the curb, Schehimazade and S@L (short for Sexy at LAX) exchange numbers then Schehimazade and I walk towards my car and leave S@L where he stood as he waited for his ride.
Now the whole time I was there I assumed they already new each other...like this may have been a coworker until they exchanged numbers. So the minute Schehimazade and I are alone, of course, I comment on how sexy I think S@L is and ask how they knew each other....and come to find out that they had just met there at baggage claim, although Schehimazade had seen him at the airport in Vegas before getting on the flight.
I'm not sure what came over me but I had Schehimazade call S@L to find out if his ride had arrived. It turned out that S@L was just going to take the SuperShuttle home and we were going to pass by the area he lived on our way to KB's place.....so we offered him a ride home.
When we arrived at S@L's place he invited us inside for a drink. I know we should have declined and kept on our way to KB's. But for some reason I agreed to go in thinking another 15-20 minutes wouldn't be a big deal and I texted KB that we were caught in some traffic. I know....I know =(
There was some truth to that in that we did actually run in to some traffic on the way to S@L. Well, although it wasn't intentional...my supposed 20 minute "layover" got extended. We didn't get to to KB's until well after midnight...nearly 3 hours after Schehimazade's plane landed.
So I don't know if I should come clean with KB and tell him that the traffic wasn't the real cause of our delay that night but rather the detour, or should I just keep my mouth shut and stick the the traffic story?
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Suprises
Self,
So I have been really loving this song...and KB has been feeling it too. We both are big Jill Scott fans. So I thought about surprising him with tickets for us to go when she comes to LA in August.
I've been conteplating this idea for a little over a week, not sure if I really wanted to surprise him or just ask him if wants to go. A few days ago while my parents were visiting family in Arizona, my father calls me all EXCITED from having seen Miss Scott's performance on the BET Awards, and is NOW an absolute fan. He then surprises me saying that I must let him know the next time she is in town because he wants to go see her live.
I'm in awe. I let slip that she will be here in August and that I was thinking about going with a friend. My father actually fixed his lips to say to buy 4 tickets then and tell him how much he owes for his and my mom's tickets!
I haven't bought any yet, but I don't know if I'm ready for KB to meet my parents...not to mention having my parents sitting next to us TOTALLY changes the dynamic of "date" for me and KB.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
PS. It was suggested that I get two pairs of tickets; ie one for me and KB and then another on the other side of the venue for my parents!
Friday, July 1, 2011
It Must Be Me???
Self,
So KB and I have been seeing each other for 2 months now. And I really enjoy his company, I like spending time with him......yeah there's a "but" coming. But I'm not sure what's going on between us.
Ok the other night I was on the phone having a conversation with BabyBro-Prime and we talked about of things but part of that conversation involved the discussion of the trap some of us (people...gay or straight) fall into where our inherrant desire/need for physical contact/intimacy can cloud our judgement into thinking that a situation has more romantic overtones than they really do.
And sadly I suddenly wonder if that has unexpectedly happen to me. I mean I really enjoy KB's company and spending time with him. He's affectionate, thoughtful and romantic....did I mention that one day when I got to his place, he had flowers and cards waiting for me. He and I have spent every weekend together since to day we met, and I've enjoyed every minute. However, not too long ago KB wondered if I was really feeling him or if we were just "playing around" because he didn't understand why didn't hang out during the middle of the week a lot, or why we were not the last voice the other heard before going to bed every night. OMG, I would like to be that giddy about things between us, but I kind of feel it's overkill and that it seems a bit clingy and needy and dare I say it....obligatory and oppressive. However, we been trying it and he seems to sit at home waiting for me to call and when I don't, I get a "why didn't I hear from my man?"
Sadly to top that off, during some of those "end of the night calls," I had found myself tuning KB out because I was bored. He even called me out on it a couple times and I did what I had to to assure him that wasn't the case.
I'm starting to wonder if I've been single so long because it turns out I'm a horrible boyfriend and I just didn't know it.
I'm stuck on this one.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
So KB and I have been seeing each other for 2 months now. And I really enjoy his company, I like spending time with him......yeah there's a "but" coming. But I'm not sure what's going on between us.
Ok the other night I was on the phone having a conversation with BabyBro-Prime and we talked about of things but part of that conversation involved the discussion of the trap some of us (people...gay or straight) fall into where our inherrant desire/need for physical contact/intimacy can cloud our judgement into thinking that a situation has more romantic overtones than they really do.
And sadly I suddenly wonder if that has unexpectedly happen to me. I mean I really enjoy KB's company and spending time with him. He's affectionate, thoughtful and romantic....did I mention that one day when I got to his place, he had flowers and cards waiting for me. He and I have spent every weekend together since to day we met, and I've enjoyed every minute. However, not too long ago KB wondered if I was really feeling him or if we were just "playing around" because he didn't understand why didn't hang out during the middle of the week a lot, or why we were not the last voice the other heard before going to bed every night. OMG, I would like to be that giddy about things between us, but I kind of feel it's overkill and that it seems a bit clingy and needy and dare I say it....obligatory and oppressive. However, we been trying it and he seems to sit at home waiting for me to call and when I don't, I get a "why didn't I hear from my man?"
Sadly to top that off, during some of those "end of the night calls," I had found myself tuning KB out because I was bored. He even called me out on it a couple times and I did what I had to to assure him that wasn't the case.
I'm starting to wonder if I've been single so long because it turns out I'm a horrible boyfriend and I just didn't know it.
I'm stuck on this one.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Friday, June 24, 2011
Phoenix Rises Again
Self,
So this week has been interesting. The last couple of days has been centered around my motorcylce, Phoenix.
SO I think it was Monday, I was sitting in the dinning room on my laptop when my father walks through the kitchen door coming from the garage. He says, "[Pharoah,] I got someone here that wants to speak to you right now," in his tough would be gansta harsh-toned serious voice.
Instantly annoyed because I'm working on my finances before trying to get some sleep before working the graveyard shift, and I don't want to be bothered. I look up to see who my father has drug in and try to asses how quickly I can get rid of them.
I momentarily loose my breath. Behind my father is this very handsome, bare-chested, thick guy walking through the door wearing some basketball shorts. (YUM)
Of course, I know my father isn't trying to "pimp" this guy on me, so I regain my composure to figure out what's going on. I realize that the guy is one of the "clan members" from the house two doors down that is another multi-generational households like mine....who is carrying a toddler wearing a bandana on his head. However, I don't know his name at that moment. I did find out, and on here I'll call him Soldier M-M, since I found out not only his name but that he was in the military at some point.
It turns out that my father has been running his mouth about Phoenix sitting in the driveway. Soldier M-M also has a motorcycle that's parked in the driveway where he's staying. Mine was covered, in need of a battery charge and updated registration. Soldier M-M thought that from the cover on the bike that it was a cruising (like a Hardley Davison) bike and not the crotch rocket like his and wasn't much concerned. However upon my father sharing info about the type of motorcycle I have, Soldier M-M suddenly became very interested in Phoenix and his condition, hence this sudden interruption and need for a conversation.
So we went outside, so he could see Phoenix, and I explained about the dead battery and expired tags. He offered to remove the battery and charge it. He worked at it for a while but it proves to be a bit more challenging than he expected...long story short we spend the better part of the day trying to just get Phoenix to start. Although I should be sleeping, I don't mind because a; he is helping me out and b; the ass, thighs and package look good every time I manage to sneek a peek, so he's holding my attention. Again to keep things short we (well I should say He) gets Phoenix to purr again.
So Soldier M-M's excitement is based on the fact that he wants (and maybe even kinda expects) us to ride together ....and has even expressed the idea of me being apart of his riding crew.
Needless to say this is where my dilemma basically starts. I think having a riding buddy is just what I need after all this time to take the plunge to ride Phoenix again after my accident. However there's already been a few comments about riding with "a honey" on the back and how some "chics" have even asked for rides when they see an extra helmet.
Obviously this dude have no clue I'm not in to women.....And I don't know how I want to deal with his ignorance. I don't really have a problem enlightening him....lol if I knew the knowledge wouldn't then spread down the block. I'm also concerned that enlightening him could mean loosing out on a potential riding buddy. I'm not concerned about him thinking that I'm trying to get at him, although I imagine he may want to address those concerns, if I tell him that I'm gay, but I aint trying to have sex with him. (Yes, I know I did say I'm attracted to him...but he's married, with a son and I'm not trying to be apart of some drama.....ESPECIALLY two doors from my house.....I aint trying to "shyt where I eat," feel me?)
As I see it at the moment my options are:
1) keep my mouth shut about my sexuality, for the sake of Phoenix and the riding experiences.
2) keep my mouth shut and decline riding with him and possibly his friends.
3) Lay all the cards on the table and let the chips land where they may.
Comments???
Sincerely,
Pharoah
So this week has been interesting. The last couple of days has been centered around my motorcylce, Phoenix.
SO I think it was Monday, I was sitting in the dinning room on my laptop when my father walks through the kitchen door coming from the garage. He says, "[Pharoah,] I got someone here that wants to speak to you right now," in his tough would be gansta harsh-toned serious voice.
Instantly annoyed because I'm working on my finances before trying to get some sleep before working the graveyard shift, and I don't want to be bothered. I look up to see who my father has drug in and try to asses how quickly I can get rid of them.
I momentarily loose my breath. Behind my father is this very handsome, bare-chested, thick guy walking through the door wearing some basketball shorts. (YUM)
Of course, I know my father isn't trying to "pimp" this guy on me, so I regain my composure to figure out what's going on. I realize that the guy is one of the "clan members" from the house two doors down that is another multi-generational households like mine....who is carrying a toddler wearing a bandana on his head. However, I don't know his name at that moment. I did find out, and on here I'll call him Soldier M-M, since I found out not only his name but that he was in the military at some point.
It turns out that my father has been running his mouth about Phoenix sitting in the driveway. Soldier M-M also has a motorcycle that's parked in the driveway where he's staying. Mine was covered, in need of a battery charge and updated registration. Soldier M-M thought that from the cover on the bike that it was a cruising (like a Hardley Davison) bike and not the crotch rocket like his and wasn't much concerned. However upon my father sharing info about the type of motorcycle I have, Soldier M-M suddenly became very interested in Phoenix and his condition, hence this sudden interruption and need for a conversation.
So we went outside, so he could see Phoenix, and I explained about the dead battery and expired tags. He offered to remove the battery and charge it. He worked at it for a while but it proves to be a bit more challenging than he expected...long story short we spend the better part of the day trying to just get Phoenix to start. Although I should be sleeping, I don't mind because a; he is helping me out and b; the ass, thighs and package look good every time I manage to sneek a peek, so he's holding my attention. Again to keep things short we (well I should say He) gets Phoenix to purr again.
So Soldier M-M's excitement is based on the fact that he wants (and maybe even kinda expects) us to ride together ....and has even expressed the idea of me being apart of his riding crew.
Needless to say this is where my dilemma basically starts. I think having a riding buddy is just what I need after all this time to take the plunge to ride Phoenix again after my accident. However there's already been a few comments about riding with "a honey" on the back and how some "chics" have even asked for rides when they see an extra helmet.
Obviously this dude have no clue I'm not in to women.....And I don't know how I want to deal with his ignorance. I don't really have a problem enlightening him....lol if I knew the knowledge wouldn't then spread down the block. I'm also concerned that enlightening him could mean loosing out on a potential riding buddy. I'm not concerned about him thinking that I'm trying to get at him, although I imagine he may want to address those concerns, if I tell him that I'm gay, but I aint trying to have sex with him. (Yes, I know I did say I'm attracted to him...but he's married, with a son and I'm not trying to be apart of some drama.....ESPECIALLY two doors from my house.....I aint trying to "shyt where I eat," feel me?)
As I see it at the moment my options are:
1) keep my mouth shut about my sexuality, for the sake of Phoenix and the riding experiences.
2) keep my mouth shut and decline riding with him and possibly his friends.
3) Lay all the cards on the table and let the chips land where they may.
Comments???
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
On The Radio
Self,
Ok I been hearing this song on the radio by Enemim. I'm not sure of the name of the song, but part of the chorus is "I Need a Doctor" and Dr. Dre does a guestspot appereance for a verse.
Now understand that the radio is only on as background noise so I haven't heard all the lyrics. However what....caught my ear made me raise an eyebrow. It sounds like Enemim is apologizing to Dr. Dre, speaks about how much Dre means to him, how supportive Dre has been....I mean it made me think there was a lovers' quarrel going on between them. Hmm that would be interesting.
The other song that I've heard that made me raise an eyebrow was been Rihanna's "S & M." I love the chorus:
I may be bad, but I perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care cause I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
but chains and whips excite me
When I got over how hot I thought that was I made me think about her situation with Chris Brown. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say she deserved the beating and I do not support domestic violence in any form. What I am saying is maybe she wasn't as innocent in the situation as we all were led to believe....maybe the incident was the result of a love game between them that was taken to the extreme.
Again I ain't saying it was right...but i would have rather that had been said so things could have stayed in perspective.
Then again, maybe "S & M" is just a song her record label gave her cause they knew that it would be a hit for her.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Ok I been hearing this song on the radio by Enemim. I'm not sure of the name of the song, but part of the chorus is "I Need a Doctor" and Dr. Dre does a guestspot appereance for a verse.
Now understand that the radio is only on as background noise so I haven't heard all the lyrics. However what....caught my ear made me raise an eyebrow. It sounds like Enemim is apologizing to Dr. Dre, speaks about how much Dre means to him, how supportive Dre has been....I mean it made me think there was a lovers' quarrel going on between them. Hmm that would be interesting.
The other song that I've heard that made me raise an eyebrow was been Rihanna's "S & M." I love the chorus:
I may be bad, but I perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care cause I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
but chains and whips excite me
When I got over how hot I thought that was I made me think about her situation with Chris Brown. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say she deserved the beating and I do not support domestic violence in any form. What I am saying is maybe she wasn't as innocent in the situation as we all were led to believe....maybe the incident was the result of a love game between them that was taken to the extreme.
Again I ain't saying it was right...but i would have rather that had been said so things could have stayed in perspective.
Then again, maybe "S & M" is just a song her record label gave her cause they knew that it would be a hit for her.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
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