History Repeats Itself

Self,

Something is at work here....good or bad I can't say....it feels bad though.

I just happen to be reviewing some past entries here and I came across "It's Just Me...Nobody Else" dated 8-17-12.

And dammit if I'm not in the exact same predicament...and it hasn't even been a fuckin' year!  And things are actually a bit worse.

I did manage to recover from having to spend $1200 to get Thunderbolt fixed,  I've even managed to to pay off all of my credit cards (except about $500 that I planned to clear up by the end of May, but now will have to extend a bit longer.)  I mentioned that I made plans to go see BabyBro...it wasn't cheap but I felt it was neccesary and I'm so glad I did, it was GREAT to see him and give him a big ole hug!
And if things could have been left there, I would consider myself blessed and highly favored for the moment.

However just a week after returning from visiting BabyBro, I had to hand over some money again on Thunderbolt's behalf....this time to a tune three times higher than what I spent in August.  So reading the post from August makes me want to cry because it just literally verifies that I've just been knocked 3 steps back.

Yes, I know that I need to be positive and thankful that I have the means to resolve/absorbs those cost....and although I'm grumbling about it, I am thankful.  But damn it's hard to be thankful for minor blessing in the face of big disasters.....and that only makes me frightened to know that things could still be even worse.  I mean I know that life is about taking the good with the bad and vice versa and therefore things can't ever be perfect...but it would be great to be able to float in the good for a bit before being drowned in the bad.


Sincerely,
Pharoah

PS The positive thing I'm going to take from this is that for the most part I shouldn't keep myself from doing the things that bring me a bit of joy. There's no point being miserable while trying to get ahead.