It May Be The End of The Road

Self,

Things seem to be deteriorating between THEBoyfriend and I.  Tuesday, I finally sat with him to discuss my issue with the text he sent at Christmas.  He also had issues with me he wanted to address.  It became an extensive conversation and intense.

His issues with me are;

• that he doesn't feel that I'm really into him,
• that maybe we really aren't compatible,
• that maybe we aren't on the same page in regards to what we want,
• that I'm in the relationship out of fear of being alone,
• that maybe I'm not really attracted to him because I have looked at other men while in public,
• that our level of comunication isn't at the level he wants and feel it should be, 
• that he feels he's being taken advantage of financially because he does a lot of driving when we're together and that I haven't been sensative/observant enough to help replenish/buy groceries or cook when we are together,
• that he was hurt when I had just told him that I questioned his actions regarding the Christmas text as possibly being malicious since he feels I should know better,

Well suffice it to say that I was overwhelmed by that list and told him so.  I also told him that I needed some time to process every thing we discussed and that we should table the conversation until later, particularly since I had to go to my other office which he already had prior knowledge.  We left the restaurnt where we didn't eat.

About 23 hours later I had a missed call and a voice mail and a text from him saying he hadn't heard from me that day and wanted to see where my head was at regarding our conversation and if we could continue it.  I explained that my head was basically in the same place because as he knew when I suggested that we pause the conversation, I had to go to my other office and was busy there. After I left the office I came home and went ot bed because I was tired (drained,)  I like him, have been busy at work all day, and when I got back home I was busy doing those domestic things that many people do on weekends that I don't get to do because I'm not home on the weekends.  We have some basic conversation and then I tell him I need to go on the grounds that I still have things to finish before I can go to sleep.  He hangs up....I text him "Good Night" since all he say was "ok" before disconnecting.

This morning I sent a text just saying hello.  I also sent a text asking a question to try and open up some dialogue between us.  His first response was that he felt that it should be discussed in person or on the phone not via text.  I thought about and felt that was a reasonable idea and texted back , "ok."  He basically then started spitting venom by turning my words from another conversation back on me stating that he assumes I am just as dissatisfied with that answer as he was when I first gave it to him.  Well honestly, I don't think I would have be dissatisfied with that answer, if those were his honest feelings as they were for me when I told him. I was more shocked that he was saying it out of spite. However he claims it's unfathomable for him to be malicious.  He admitted that he's hurting and emotional and won't make any apologies for it.  I responded that when I initially spoke those words to him that I was being honest in the moment, and that I'm sorry my answer wasn't good enough for him at that time.

What all this is starting to reveal to me that he might be right, maybe we really aren't compatible and that maybe I was just trying ot make us out to be.

Sincerely,
Pharoah