Self,
I was having a conversation with a friend who had a difficult experience this weekend, that raised an issue that I wanted to address here. I'll do my best to keep this short.
(Remember all names are fictitious to protect the identities of those actually involved.)
My friend, Bob, had a date Saturday evening. His date, Ricky, invited Bob over to his home to watch the Pacquiao vs Cotto fight. Supposedly it was initially suppose to just be the two of them but Ricky's brother and a few others also were in attendance. (some what expected when your talking about a Pay-per-view event, anyway.)
So after the fight, everyone leaves and its just Bob and Ricky. They are talking, Bob says it was pretty easy to tell that they were into each other. Ricky offers Bob a cocktail beverage and eventually things get a little sexual. Ricky has Bob follow him to the bedroom and they continue "foolin' around."
As it was told to me, Bob couldn't get an erection, and Ricky...tells Bob that's it's getting late and reminds Bob that he still has to drive home. Ricky then starts picking through the assorted clothes on the floor, handing Bob's to him.
Bob leaves and calls me from the car...crushed and demoralized by the incident. I do what I can to cheer him up. Telling him its Ricky's lost, that the malfunction happens to guys and he isn't the only one. He lets me know its not the first time it has happened and guys all seem to have a similar reaction....in short that run. I talk with Bob till he gets home and lets him go to sleep.
We continue the conversation today and Bob now feels that there's no point to dating or love because he is convinced that he will be single for the rest of his life. He doesn't think he'll ever hear from Ricky, based on the fact that he sent Ricky a text message today that has not been returned when before Ricky was pretty quick to return them before.
The conversation leads to uplifting Bob into understanding that he is more than his penis and what it does or doesn't do. Bob ain't having it. He argues that even though we know logically he is more than his penis he knows that when it comes to gay men....that basically rather consciously or subconsciously, if the sex ain't right they aren't going to take the time to find out what more he can offer.
And I really didn't have a counter argument to offer him. I mean even women has that on their "checklist" when dealing with a man as a potential suitor.
So my question to my readers, (particularly the gay men....) What would you do if YOU were Ricky? At least in so much as you met someone like Bob who you seemed to be attracted towards but when it came down to sex (yes on your first date) he could not get an erection? Would you effectively put Bob out cause the sex wasn't right, or would you continue trying to get to know Bob to see beyond the sex?
Sincerely,
Pharaoh
2 comments:
PERSONALLY, id never have sex on the firs date. Not even the second, third, or fourth. But for him not to be able to get it up, that's where the shallow parts of people come in. That would have been a blow to my ego. What, am i not cute enough? Did i do something to turn him off? What do you mean you can't get it up? Yeah, right! (omg, im sssooo telling my judies about this! Could you IMAGINE????)
Or perhaps this is the part where we're suppose to find the brighter side and say something like... "It would have been a chance for us to get to know each other better." Slowing things down because maybe we were moving too fast. Nude under covers. Drifting in and out of consciousness. Talks of childhoods and favorite foods. Disappointments and "are you tired yet's?"... Everything happens for a reason so this must have been one of those moments. We're going to talk about this moment for the rest of our lives. Ones spent together hopefully.
I probably would have just helped him save face. Made sure i said "Its okay" as many times as i could. Trying to make him feel less inadequate because... it could happen to anyone. At least that's what we're encouraged to remind ourselves anyway.
Well USV,
I understand where you are coming from but I can't judge Bob for his decision to want to have sex with this guy. So I'm not going to get in to the discussion of rather sex on the first date is appropriate or not.
As for someone taking a man's lack of an erection personally, I can see why someone might. Which only points out how delicate the male ego is when it comes to sex. I mean no offense but why would someone think they did something wrong...I mean really you have no control over another person's body so you can't feel responsible. I mean if a person does the things that are generally arousing to men and it didn't produce the desired results...well all anyone can do is just be themselves, right? And given that, I think that the erection situation could be discussed and explained to set a person at ease about it, if given the chance.
I like your "brighter side" approach it's rather romantic in a way...only thing missing is everyone putting their clothes back on and spooning like Wesley and Angela in "Waiting to Exhale." Hell, actually I think I would like a date like that!
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