Self,
So for the holiday I was in Phoenix, AZ with family. Surprisingly it was not hot as hell there....not until the day I left, which I took as AZ's way of letting me know it was time for me to go home....lol and I did!
I know I titled this "the Up's and down's" but I don't know if I want to start with the ups or downs.
Well I will start with the good because that was the whole reason for the trip. I was in AZ because my nephin (nephew-cousin...ie my cousin's oldest son who is like a nephew because of my relationship with his mom) is now a High school graduate...and well a college student all in the same trip. Obviously, attending my nephin's graduation was the purpose of my trip to the state that's usually hot as hell, this time of year. He's also a college student becasue his mom made him enroll in summer classed at the local community college that happen to start YESTERDAY (5/29/12.) Yeah I think that kind of sucked too, but he has to be in school to stay on the family health insurace and she wasn't going to let him sit in the house all summer playing video games while she and her husband went to work everyday. LOL I don't blame her.
The down....
Well I had been comunicating with this guy who lives there...well actually three, but this one in particular I think I was really feeling. So the day after the graduation, CH (his initials) and I plan to meet. We have a late meal, play a couple games of cosmic bowling, skinny dip in his jacuzzi, watch "The Iron Lady" (because that was one of the only of his many bootlegs dvds he had that would actually plays.) About 5am we're naked in his bed and things start getting ...exciting. Just as things start getting intense....I say something that he decides to responds to by rolling over and going to sleep....I'm left laying in bed next to him feeling insulted and hurt. Well it is after 5am and the drive back to my cousin's house in the boonies would be murder, so I just trun over and get soem sleep also. I wake a couple hours later, still feelin insulted I dress and leave.
Most of the day goes by and I didn't hear from CH, which to me kind of adds insult to injury...or rather injury to insult. So I send a text that was uncomplimentary. Of course that results in a few uncomplimentary text directed at me. Needless to say at this point we are no longer speaking with each other.
In the text dialogue we had CH basically said that the events of 5am had nothing to do with those at 9am surrounding my departure and that it was very shady of me to have slept in his bed and not have acknowledge him when I left. Hindsight being 100% more clear, I did and do agree with him. I can't help but wonder if I was somehow subcounciously sabotaging the situation. I mean I was having a pretty good time....he is sexy as hell...pretty much a example of my ideal man physically (aaahh, the ass and thighs on this man that became apparent when his clothes came off......not to mention the more obvious arms, chest and abs. I don't know if all that measure out for me in a way that I wasn't....entitled to be with someone like that....if I could keep someone like that interested and satisfied....if I would be enough for him. Then you through in the logistics....he lives in FREAKIN PHOENIX, AZ! I mean I had enough of a headache with KB who only lived a 45 minute drive away...CH is 5 hours! (yes only an hour by flight...but I aint rich and will be even less so once I buy a house.)...and its PHOENIX......a city I nearly despise...and can almost say with certainty that I will never live there.
So maybe I unintentially blew up the situation. That said when I CH pointed out my errors I of course apologized but he doesn't believe me and didn't feel it was genuine. Part of me wants to do SOMETHING to try to make my feelings and apologies more clear and sincere. or should I just let it go?
Don't get me wrong, I have also considered that his words and reaction may have just been an act and he played it up to make his infaction at 5am seem more insignificant. That said the fact remains that although I did feel wronged by him, I feel bad that I wronged him in the process and feel I should try to fix it.
If anyone is reading this...I would like to hear your thoughts.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
3 comments:
I think it would help if we knew what was said at 5 am that could possibly completely ruin the moment.
As far as where you should go from here, I think you should do exactly what your instincts tell you.
He sounds fine though. Lol
I agree with ReclusiveOne - I'm still trying to decipher what happened at 5am (in the words of Melanie Fiona).
Although I can appreciate the notion that knowing the extent to which the insult was made would help to determine the degree to which reparations should be repaid...in this case all that matter is that there was an insult.
But really, not that I've got it off my chest and purged it from my system....I'm over it.
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