Self,
I could've died yesterday...and as sore as I am now, rigor mortise may have set-in anyway!
So let me explain:
* * * *
I get a call from ScheHimazade* last week that went something like this;
"Listen, I'm at the 24-hour Fitness in Carson. It's nice."
"OK. cool," I said. I thought he told me once that he uses Bally's when he's in New York. So what boi dragged him to that gym.
"Well, I'm signing you up. It's only $35 a month and I'm letting you know so that I'm putting it on my AmEx now but you have to switch it to your account in two months."
"Why?" How are you going to spend my money for me...you don't know what my budget can accommodate. "I'm working on some other things financially."
"Come on it's only $35. It's a pay as you go system so if you absolutely refuse just cancel it later," his mouth running a thousand miles a minute. "Jewel* and I decide to do this for you. I'm doing the membership, she's getting you a session with a personal trainer, and she even has a workout partner for you."
"WHY - I mean how did y'all come to this decision (to torture me.) And who is this workout partner?"
"Well we were talking about how good you looked when you went to see her and the baby, and we agreed how a little push would benefit you even more. So we're pushing you," he said as his motor mouth kicked into second gear. "I can't tell you who your workout partner will be but I can tell you that he's fine, you know he's fine and you'll enjoy getting all hot and sweaty with him," ScheHimazade's mouth slowed down enough to emit a cackling laugh.
"Uh, that's nice and all but I am not going to drive to Carson to go to the gym."
"I know, I know, I know. I already checked, they have one there in Glendale. So y'a fine. Okay, so I'm going to get off here and finish this paperwork. Talk to you later." Click.
* * * *
Well Damn! Right? A couple of days later I get a text message from Jewel that reads;
"You have an appointment at 4pm on Sunday (10-12-08) at the sexy people 24 Hour Fitness in the Sherman Oaks Galleria."
Of course, I reply with questions trying to get more information, but the response was ignored.
Well I racked my brain to take a guess who the workout partner was going to be. My best (and first) guess was that it would be Jewel's nephew. However, neither Jewel or ScheHimazade would respond to my text confirming or denying that guess. Yesterday I wake up with another text message from Jewel changing the time for 4pm to 6:30. I resolve myself to go, because I feel stuck out of courtesy to this workout partner that is now involved in ScheHimazade and Jewel's mess.
I'm standing outside the gym in Sherman Oaks as scheduled, just people watching and waiting. There's some complications in the people traffic because one of the escalators isn't working. There were quite a few sexy people going in and coming out of the gym..hell just walking in the area period...a few required a second and even a third look. As people are moving about the area, I notice Shemar Moore and some Blond chick cross right in front of me as they make their way to the Burke Williams Spa that's next door.
Still reeling from my celebrity sighting, Jewel's Nephew* walks up to me smiling. We exchange greetings and general pleasantries. We walk into the gym, check in at the front desk and I go change clothes. When I come out the locker room Jewel's Nephew says, "So what did you want to do today?"
"AH - I got hoodwinked into this, so I hadn't put a lot of thought into it." I see the confused expression flash across his face. "Oh you don't know what they did to me. Your aunt and ScheHimazade set me up." I tell him about the phone call and text message from ScheHimazade and Jewel, respectfully. "Do you see the trouble you can get into when your friends conspire against you?"
"Oh, wow. Well no, they conspired for you. I'll just show you what I do." He leads us over to some treadmills. "You run or workout any?"
"No I am not a runner, and I haven't been in a gym in over a year." I said, unhappily looking at the treadmill.
"Ok let's start you here and see what happens." He starts pushing buttons on the contraption that sets me on a walking pace that's a little awkward but manageable. Jewel's Nephew gets on his on treadmill and after awhile he says, "Ok, when the timer shows five and a half minutes change the pace to 6 mph."
I look at my timer and see I only have about 45 seconds before changing the pace. I make the adjustment and try to keep up. In no time flat, I'm huffing and puffing, the rhythmic thumping of my feet seems to be a beat ahead of the sound of my blood pumping in my ear. I try not to wimp out but at the 10 minute mark I give. I tell Jewel's Nephew I hit my limit. I reach to hit the stop button but he instead says to bring the pace back down to 3 mph, which is the walking pace where he had me start but he also had me add a slight incline resistance.
When we finish on the treadmill I'm ready to go but I knowing I can't, I settle for getting some water out of the fountain across the room. When I finish, I find Jewel's Nephew standing at a bench press station. We go through a couple reps. My chest and arms are on fire, my legs are still twitching from the run on the treadmill, the thumping sound in my ear has increased, and I'm feeling light-headed and dizzy. I was about to take another turn on the bench and all of a sudden, my stomach wretched, and my body had an involuntary gage reflex. I hold up my hand and exhale the words, "I'll be back" and make my way to the men's restroom. I make it to the stall just as the contents of my stomach comes hurling out my mouth, I slightly miss the toilet though.
When the urge to regurgitate my stomach's contents has passed, I wipe my mouth, clean up after myself, then leave the locker room. I find Jewel's Nephew and we continue the workout, doing a couple other exercises then we split. From the parking structure I send a text to ScheHimazade and Jewel with a slight attitude telling them what happened during the workout. I continue with the rest of my night. I eventually hear from both of them and they express their concern with a tinge of guilt.
I finally get to my bed and pass the f**k out.
Now I'm sitting at work as I said sore as hell. =(
The Lesson here:
A friend's love can be painful. lol =)
Sincerely,
Pharaoh, loyal subject of the Supreme Creator
* ScheHimazade - pronounced "sha - HIM- ahzod"
*Not her real name but appropriate.
*It was easier to refer to him by this relationship then making up a name which is why the "N" is capitalized
I could've died yesterday...and as sore as I am now, rigor mortise may have set-in anyway!
So let me explain:
* * * *
I get a call from ScheHimazade* last week that went something like this;
"Listen, I'm at the 24-hour Fitness in Carson. It's nice."
"OK. cool," I said. I thought he told me once that he uses Bally's when he's in New York. So what boi dragged him to that gym.
"Well, I'm signing you up. It's only $35 a month and I'm letting you know so that I'm putting it on my AmEx now but you have to switch it to your account in two months."
"Why?" How are you going to spend my money for me...you don't know what my budget can accommodate. "I'm working on some other things financially."
"Come on it's only $35. It's a pay as you go system so if you absolutely refuse just cancel it later," his mouth running a thousand miles a minute. "Jewel* and I decide to do this for you. I'm doing the membership, she's getting you a session with a personal trainer, and she even has a workout partner for you."
"WHY - I mean how did y'all come to this decision (to torture me.) And who is this workout partner?"
"Well we were talking about how good you looked when you went to see her and the baby, and we agreed how a little push would benefit you even more. So we're pushing you," he said as his motor mouth kicked into second gear. "I can't tell you who your workout partner will be but I can tell you that he's fine, you know he's fine and you'll enjoy getting all hot and sweaty with him," ScheHimazade's mouth slowed down enough to emit a cackling laugh.
"Uh, that's nice and all but I am not going to drive to Carson to go to the gym."
"I know, I know, I know. I already checked, they have one there in Glendale. So y'a fine. Okay, so I'm going to get off here and finish this paperwork. Talk to you later." Click.
* * * *
Well Damn! Right? A couple of days later I get a text message from Jewel that reads;
"You have an appointment at 4pm on Sunday (10-12-08) at the sexy people 24 Hour Fitness in the Sherman Oaks Galleria."
Of course, I reply with questions trying to get more information, but the response was ignored.
Well I racked my brain to take a guess who the workout partner was going to be. My best (and first) guess was that it would be Jewel's nephew. However, neither Jewel or ScheHimazade would respond to my text confirming or denying that guess. Yesterday I wake up with another text message from Jewel changing the time for 4pm to 6:30. I resolve myself to go, because I feel stuck out of courtesy to this workout partner that is now involved in ScheHimazade and Jewel's mess.
I'm standing outside the gym in Sherman Oaks as scheduled, just people watching and waiting. There's some complications in the people traffic because one of the escalators isn't working. There were quite a few sexy people going in and coming out of the gym..hell just walking in the area period...a few required a second and even a third look. As people are moving about the area, I notice Shemar Moore and some Blond chick cross right in front of me as they make their way to the Burke Williams Spa that's next door.
Still reeling from my celebrity sighting, Jewel's Nephew* walks up to me smiling. We exchange greetings and general pleasantries. We walk into the gym, check in at the front desk and I go change clothes. When I come out the locker room Jewel's Nephew says, "So what did you want to do today?"
"AH - I got hoodwinked into this, so I hadn't put a lot of thought into it." I see the confused expression flash across his face. "Oh you don't know what they did to me. Your aunt and ScheHimazade set me up." I tell him about the phone call and text message from ScheHimazade and Jewel, respectfully. "Do you see the trouble you can get into when your friends conspire against you?"
"Oh, wow. Well no, they conspired for you. I'll just show you what I do." He leads us over to some treadmills. "You run or workout any?"
"No I am not a runner, and I haven't been in a gym in over a year." I said, unhappily looking at the treadmill.
"Ok let's start you here and see what happens." He starts pushing buttons on the contraption that sets me on a walking pace that's a little awkward but manageable. Jewel's Nephew gets on his on treadmill and after awhile he says, "Ok, when the timer shows five and a half minutes change the pace to 6 mph."
I look at my timer and see I only have about 45 seconds before changing the pace. I make the adjustment and try to keep up. In no time flat, I'm huffing and puffing, the rhythmic thumping of my feet seems to be a beat ahead of the sound of my blood pumping in my ear. I try not to wimp out but at the 10 minute mark I give. I tell Jewel's Nephew I hit my limit. I reach to hit the stop button but he instead says to bring the pace back down to 3 mph, which is the walking pace where he had me start but he also had me add a slight incline resistance.
When we finish on the treadmill I'm ready to go but I knowing I can't, I settle for getting some water out of the fountain across the room. When I finish, I find Jewel's Nephew standing at a bench press station. We go through a couple reps. My chest and arms are on fire, my legs are still twitching from the run on the treadmill, the thumping sound in my ear has increased, and I'm feeling light-headed and dizzy. I was about to take another turn on the bench and all of a sudden, my stomach wretched, and my body had an involuntary gage reflex. I hold up my hand and exhale the words, "I'll be back" and make my way to the men's restroom. I make it to the stall just as the contents of my stomach comes hurling out my mouth, I slightly miss the toilet though.
When the urge to regurgitate my stomach's contents has passed, I wipe my mouth, clean up after myself, then leave the locker room. I find Jewel's Nephew and we continue the workout, doing a couple other exercises then we split. From the parking structure I send a text to ScheHimazade and Jewel with a slight attitude telling them what happened during the workout. I continue with the rest of my night. I eventually hear from both of them and they express their concern with a tinge of guilt.
I finally get to my bed and pass the f**k out.
Now I'm sitting at work as I said sore as hell. =(
The Lesson here:
A friend's love can be painful. lol =)
Sincerely,
Pharaoh, loyal subject of the Supreme Creator
* ScheHimazade - pronounced "sha - HIM- ahzod"
*Not her real name but appropriate.
*It was easier to refer to him by this relationship then making up a name which is why the "N" is capitalized
1 comment:
I cant believe you threw up at the gym. Not cute. So are you going back? Dont eat a canned ham before going to to the gym..may help.
DB
thirtyhood.com
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