A Recent Development

Self,

Some might like to say that I am a "social butterfly." I don't think that's totally accurate. Social butterflies are generallyextremely comfortable in ANY social setting and could arguably be "the life of a party." I am not. However I do like to stay in contact with the people with whom I feel a connection.

That said I'm prone to send texts out to let people know that I thought of them at that moment. and I'll admit that I basically do that on a daily basis.

However this situation has seem to have developed a new pet peeve of mine, that I've noticed recently. I guess from my frequency and consistency of texts people look forward to receiving my messages. Which I think is wonderful. However there are some days when things are just so hectic that I'm not able to send out any texts. And then at some point during the day I will get one from people saying;

"Why haven't heard from you all day?"

Well I don't want to seem ungrateful or an asshole or anything like that, but that's ANNOYING AS HELL to me....if that is the first/only message I've received from that person all day. I mean it's obvious that if a person has sat there and thought about rather they have gotten a text from me or not, then shouldn't that person also ask themselves if they SENT me a message at all that day.

If the answer is yes, and I have not responded then ring the alarm, and that's a valid "bitch slap" question to send me....atleast then I'll know I slightly deserved it.

If the answer is no, then I wish they would just say, "Helloooo!" I mean the person could just think about what reasons may existed that prevented them from sending me a text earlier that day? Busy at work, in class, still sleep, running errands, etc etc etc etc.... At that point a person doesn't even know if I've been having a fucked up day already and could have just appreciated a friendly "pick me up" rather than a slight chastising to suggest I forgot about them or something and I should feel guilty for having done so.

The greeting doesn't have to be specific anything like these would work;
"Hey"
"Wassup"
"Ring- ring"
"In my Wendy Williams voice, - How U doin'?"

lol creativity is welcomed!

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

Catch Up

Self,

I hate having to apologize for the fact that it has been a minute since my last post....I'm sorry!

So since I decided that I can't go to New York for New Year's Eve, what have I been up to.

I've made two trips to Las Vegas to hang out with Schehimazade. The first trip was kinda spur of the moment because I was working graveyard shift and found myself starting my weekend as early as 8am on a Friday morning so I figure if I hit the road then I would avoid all the traffic making it an almost enjoyable drive. I also went to take Schehimazade his Christmas present since I wasn't going to be in New York as I usually am to give it to him then. Schehimazade really likes my Red Velvet Cake (well my family's since that's where I learned to make it.) He says it's better than Cake Man Ray's, but I can neither confirm nor deny that statement since to my knowledge I have never tried Cake Man Ray's. However, so far I haven't tasted a Red Velvet anywhere that I like better than my own, so if I have tried it then, he's right mine is better! ;-P Anyway for the past several years I would make him one when I'd visit him in New York. So he got his Christmas present a little early this year, and he pretty much had it all to himself since he didn't have to share with his New York roommate, Hueyleen, who I will miss seeing this year.

My Second trip to Las Vegas was in part do to Prince Esquire. He happen to come from Miami and was suppose to ride with me on the first trip, but due to circumstances wasn't able to make it. SO we decided to make the drive the Friday after Thanksgiving. The three of us are rarely in the same place at the same time so it was great hanging out with two of my dear brothers-from-another-mother!

The Vegas trip with Prince Esquire after Thanksgiving worked out pretty well considering that my family had an extra guest at the dinner table that eventually got on my nerves. My father recently got in touch with a cousin of his on his father's side I believe, that he hadn't seen in like 50 years. She lives in Santa Barbara (2-3 hours North of Los Angeles,) So lets just call her SBCuz. Supposedly the "plan was that SBCuz, her son and daughter, and their families were all suppose to come for the holiday, but the family backed out and she came by herself......TWO DAYS early. My Mom was not happy, since SBCuz was now in the way of my Mom's Thanksgiving Day preparations....but my mom being the ultimate Hostess, worked it out, although I couldn't figure out why SBCuz didn't stay in Santa Barbara with her own family.

Well, I eventually figured out why SBCuz came to spend the holiday with my family. She came with the intention of being an "entitled white lady" basically. I mean everytime I turned around she was asking someone to "get" her something. I think she "suckered me" about three times before I started saying "Oh, the {insert item} is just {insert location}." I don't mind helping and doing things for someone but you can't be sitting at the same table as me and ask me to get up and get you something in order for you to continue sitting in your chair.....I am not that one.

The thing I noticed that was wearing me out was that SBCuz was trying to be both "company/guest" and "family" at the same time.... Everybody knows that don't work! You can't sit o your ass and expected to be the pampered princess because you are a guest, but then want to have special liberties in the name of being family.

She tried to be "family" twice that just didn't sit well with me.

When my cousin (my mom's niece, let's call her - BigSis, since she is older than me) and her husband arrived from Arizona on Thanksgiving Eve, they brought in a bottle of Crown Royal. SBCuz got excited and says that's what her drink. BigSis offered SBCuz a drink with the rest of us who were having a glass but SBCuz said she'll wait so she can save it to have on Thanksgiving.....she missed out because we we sipped on it all night and it was gone.I mean a guest is suppose to take what's being offered WHEN it is offered. Family MAY request to have something saved for them.

The other incident had to do with the turkey. On Thanksgiving day, my father was carving the turkey for my mom, so the meat could go in the chaffing dishes so it would be ready when dinner was served. My father had cut off the wing and drumstick and set them to the side while slicing the breast. While standing there my cousin stole a sliver, and although I don't usually eat Turkey, this was my dad's first attempt at frying one so, I also stole a sliver while he was slicing the breast. SBCuz decided she wanted the wing, and snatched it. My Cousin, in a polite manner criticized SBCuz for snatching it, stating that the wing was my mom's (the hostess and lady of the house) favorite piece. Even my dad tried to tell SBCuz that she was wrong. SBCuz's response - "Oh, she won't mind, because I'm family. Besides, there's another wing right here." As she proceeded to POKE the other wing with her finger, rather than just point at it. Now, I don't think it would be so bad if SBcuz had taken a sliver like myself. But I think it was rather rude and disrespectful for her to take a piece that could have been on someone's plate as part of the meal, just for her greedy butt to have a pre-dinner sample.

LOL the funny thing is my cousin said she told my mom what SBCuz did and said that my Mom comment was that she was ready for SBCuz to go. I don't think SbCuz will be getting another holiday invitation.

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

sgiving Eve and SBCuz and her family drove in from Phoenix on Thanksgiving Eve, and nearly order me to spend the night at my parents' house to hang out (although she checked into a hotel down the street....not happy cause I could have slept in my own bed then on the sofa if that was the case.)

Looking Ahead

Self,

I know it's November and not even Thanksgiving at that. However its really not too early to be thinking about plans for New Years Eve, particularly if those plans include the possibility of traveling.

For the past few New Year's Eve, I've spent the last night of the year having a blast in New York City, with my brother/friend, Schehimazade. I have had such a great time that I decide that I wanted to go back again this year. So I start working out how to get all my ducks in a row so I can go.

Step 1: Figure out how many birds I can kill with one stone. All I mean by that is who else in the general area could I get to see while I'm on the East Coast. Not to say that these people don't deserve a trip of their own....but since I'll already be in the area why not enhance my experience to include their bright smiling faces. I'd like the icing on my cake extra thick! So in no particular order I went through my list of folks I wanted to see. I let NYSuitor know that I was planning an appearance and that I was expecting to meet his boy, Sunrise. When I heard that Jerzey Reality just bought a house I told him that I would want the grand tour when I got to the East Coast (why did he laugh and think I was kidding?). I figured that if I was going to cross statelines to see him that PA aint that far and I just HAD to go see Darktomahawk. I consider the idea of swinging on down to DC too....but figured I would play that by ear. Okie dokie I got several birds ready to be shot. Check.

Step 2: Submit Vacation Request at work. Well actually this is really step three. The first step was to make sure that Schehimazade was going to be in New York at that time. I mean if you are going to plan to stay at someone's house it helps if they are going to be home...but really I could beat him up, snatch his keys, and stay at his place even if he was going to be on the dark side of the moon. That's why the first step of the process is the vacation request. ;-p Filled out and signed the 5 x 7 bluish form and gave it to my supervisor. Check and Check. (One check for the form, the other for Schehimazade.)

Step 4: (Yes step four, we already got three check marks - keep up! lol.) Inform my mother that I plan to skip town for that particular holiday....but assures her that I will be here in Cali for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Yes, I let my mother know I'm leaving town, that's free housing for Thunderbolt, that won't accumulate parking tickets. Plus it's also free transportation to and from the airport. And it's first class service. Check.

Step 5: Investigate airfare. This I can do in my sleep practically. Virginamerica.com: $800 - WHAT THE F*CK! AA.com: $760 - HUH! cheaptickets.com: $580 Oh this is ridiculous! Expedia, hotwire, and Orbitz are all about the same. OK So let me come back to this. And while I'm sitting at work searcing for a decent airfare, my Supervisor walks over to my cubicle and lets me know that basically my vacation request has been denied. So there's really no point in continuing my flight search.

Ain't this a Bitch! It seems that the universe has conspired against me to keep me from going to New York for New Year's Eve. It's not that going is exactly all that big of a deal...but it's just as I see things, its just another situation where things isn't going to work out the way I hoped/planned. Disappointed.

I'm sure there's a reason I'm not suppose to be in New York....lol I don't think it's necessarily for my benefit, but there's still a reason. However,I found out that Prince Esquire is planning to be in Los Angeles for New Year's. So, I'm sure the reason the Universe is bringing him home to Cali is for my benefit.

I have a suspicious idea that the reason that I won't be in NYC is for Schehimazade's benefit. When we talked about my trip proposal, he informed me that Road-Husband, the guy he's been dating that works for a touring Broadway show, will be on hiatus during that time and they'll be "playing house." Don't get me wrong I was cool with that, it was in part what gave me the idea that I could use time to see folks, like Darktomahawk, outside New York State boundaries. However maybe the Universe is keeping me out of the City so that they can have the freedom to have that time together with out me in the way. I guess that's alright.

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

The Box

Self,

One night last week I was press into going to see "The Box," staring Cameron Diaz. I mean I wanted to go see a movie I couldn't decide which and two people, Schehimazade and Mateo, (yes Mateo and I are talking again.) both urged me to see this movie. Schehimazade wanted me to see it because he had seen it and wanted someone with whom he could discuss it. Mateo suggested it because he wanted to see it and supposedly he was going to see it the next day after he got off work...(somehow I don't think he saw it.)

SO from the previews we all know the basic premise. The man played by I believe Frank Langella, goes to Diaz and offer her $1 million if she pushes the button on the box with the condition that if she does someone she doesn't know will die.

So right here I have to say that I believe the movie would be over if it was me. I say that because to me the conditions set equates to murdering someone I don't know. For me murder is the vilest act of the dark side of the humanity and I wouldn't want to be a participant in that act.

Well that said, The movie does continue and there's some plot twist that of course changes things, making it much more of a peril for Diaz.....I mean we all had to figure that would happen otherwise it wouldn't be much of a movie if she got the money and lived happily ever after.

I don't want to give the story away in case anyone wants to see it.

So would you take the money and condemns someone's life by pushing the button or say no?

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

Something to Make You Say Hmm!

Self,

I was having a conversation with a friend who had a difficult experience this weekend, that raised an issue that I wanted to address here. I'll do my best to keep this short.

(Remember all names are fictitious to protect the identities of those actually involved.)

My friend, Bob, had a date Saturday evening. His date, Ricky, invited Bob over to his home to watch the Pacquiao vs Cotto fight. Supposedly it was initially suppose to just be the two of them but Ricky's brother and a few others also were in attendance. (some what expected when your talking about a Pay-per-view event, anyway.)

So after the fight, everyone leaves and its just Bob and Ricky. They are talking, Bob says it was pretty easy to tell that they were into each other. Ricky offers Bob a cocktail beverage and eventually things get a little sexual. Ricky has Bob follow him to the bedroom and they continue "foolin' around."

As it was told to me, Bob couldn't get an erection, and Ricky...tells Bob that's it's getting late and reminds Bob that he still has to drive home. Ricky then starts picking through the assorted clothes on the floor, handing Bob's to him.

Bob leaves and calls me from the car...crushed and demoralized by the incident. I do what I can to cheer him up. Telling him its Ricky's lost, that the malfunction happens to guys and he isn't the only one. He lets me know its not the first time it has happened and guys all seem to have a similar reaction....in short that run. I talk with Bob till he gets home and lets him go to sleep.

We continue the conversation today and Bob now feels that there's no point to dating or love because he is convinced that he will be single for the rest of his life. He doesn't think he'll ever hear from Ricky, based on the fact that he sent Ricky a text message today that has not been returned when before Ricky was pretty quick to return them before.

The conversation leads to uplifting Bob into understanding that he is more than his penis and what it does or doesn't do. Bob ain't having it. He argues that even though we know logically he is more than his penis he knows that when it comes to gay men....that basically rather consciously or subconsciously, if the sex ain't right they aren't going to take the time to find out what more he can offer.

And I really didn't have a counter argument to offer him. I mean even women has that on their "checklist" when dealing with a man as a potential suitor.

So my question to my readers, (particularly the gay men....) What would you do if YOU were Ricky? At least in so much as you met someone like Bob who you seemed to be attracted towards but when it came down to sex (yes on your first date) he could not get an erection? Would you effectively put Bob out cause the sex wasn't right, or would you continue trying to get to know Bob to see beyond the sex?

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

Just My Luck

Self,

Up until now, I haven't won very much in terms of contests, and the likes. Don't get me wrong, I know that I'm blessed in other ways. So I kinda just feel that those unique 1-time random sort of blessings don't come my way because is the universe's way of spreading the blessings around to others.

So imagine my surprise..if not shock, when I learned that I was the appropriate caller to a local radio station here in LA to win a pair of tickets to see Anita Baker at the Nokia Theatre.

I enjoyed myself. Anita sounds GREAT. And considering that I think she actually came on stage a little drunk/high....she sounded fantastic, you know? I mean the look on her face suggested the intoxication...but not her singing. In fact it seemed she sang more clearly that night then I think I have heard her on some of the records.

My one slight disappointment was that for the most part she only did 10 songs. With the help of the band she stretched out the songs to use up time. With such an extensive body of work under her belt, I couldn't see the point in extending songs when there were sooooo many more she could have performed to use the time. Of course she did some of the classics;

"Sweet Love, "Mystery," "Same Ole Love," "You bring me Joy," "Giving You the Best that I Got," "Rapture," "No One in the World," and "Been So Long," Not in that exact order but you get the point. There was one song she did that I didn't recognize, that my friend said was from her most recent project (which I have not heard.)

At this point, I was a bit annoyed with the fact that she had "over" performed these songs (wonderfully) but I still didn't get to hear some of the others that I love and wanted to hear like;
"Lonely," "Love you to the Letter," "I Apologize," "Talk to Me," and "Body and Soul."

I was about to be a bit dissapointed because looking at the clock it was easy to tell that the show would have to be wrapped up soon. However she saved the show for me at least with the finale. The last song of the evening was one of my favorites, "Fairy Tales." And she punched it up a bit by having piano player, George Duke, who opened the show join her on stage along with recording artists, Chante Moore and Tyreese.

As exciting it was to have Chante and Tyreese on the stage...it seems that there weren't expecting to be on stage...and didn't really know the song. I have to say if Chante didn't know the song or just wasn't prepared she is a better musician than Tyeese because she was able to adlib a whole lot better than him. But oh well. I still enjoyed it and thought it was wonderful experience.

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

I'm Back....again.

Self,

There was a soft glow of light, but it didn't fill the room. It was just enough to keep the room from being plunged into total darkness. The aura wrapped us with a blanket of intimacy, which we snuggled into comfortablely. Our bodies were pressed together, tightly. So much so that it seemed as if we were one. Sweat glistened on various sections of our skin from the intensity of the moment. The room shook from the shudders of pleasure. Errattic if not fanatic exclamations of ecstasy erupted into the air. Dislodging themselves from the rhythm of the grunts and groans already occupying the room. Our excitement reached a frenzied pitch. Passion oozed from our bodies in such a volume to drown us in it.

Ghett yo' mind out the gutter!...Just Nasty! I'm not talking about a sexual encounter of mine. That was the atmosphere back on October 9th when I attended a concert for Ledisi at the El Rey Theatre. LOL yes it was that hot! I know I'm HELLA late writing a post about it, but there has been all kinds of things that got in the way between then and now. Some of which I'll get into...some I will not. This update isn't in any chronological order...just getting it out there.

I worked graveyard shift for a brief period during that time...that kinda drove me crazy...that's work enough said on that subject.

My computer decided to have a nervous breakdown, as far as I can tell, causing the graphic card to burn out. I lamented about it for a while not sure what I wanted to do with or about it. This was probably the biggest hurdle that kept me from posting. Schehimazade, while visiting Cali for a few days, took it to Staples for them to charge him $70 (which I'm suppose to pay back) for them to eventually tell me that the graphic card has burned out. I guess the perk of having the computer at Staples was that after buying myself an external hard drive for a hundred buck, they were able to help me save my data files, like the photos from my Brazil trip in 2007, my trips to New York, Miami, and DC for the Obama inauguration. The salvaged and scanned photos of the deceased members of my dad's side of the family, not to mention regular documents and music files. LOL as luck would have it, when the Staples technician tried to show me how to go about trying to transfer those files onto the new external drive, the first folder he clicked on to start to the process, JUST happened to been a folder full of porn ....thumbnail icons of dicks and asses filled the screen....so yes, my digital porn collection was saved too, Whew!

In a previous post I had mention that I had started a dialogue with Mateo (named for where he lives,) well that blew up...and we're sort of friends...lol but in the two weeks since "our break-up," he's already with someone else, so I don't know how much I'll hear from him in the future. I wish him the best, though.

Then there was Halloween: I know that I have previously mentioned the "gay" area of metropolitan Los Angeles known as "I ho, you ho," WeHo. Well, that community hosts an annual street carnival, that runs about 8-10 blocks on Santa Monica Boulevard. At one time it was so "underground" that the debauchery supposedly rivaled San Fran's Castro District. It's now more mainstream and rather "family" friendly...meaning you'll see the little 2 year old girl in her bumblebee costume or the 7 year old boy dressed as Spiderman, walking with their parents of course. Along with guys in elaborate drag outfits or seemingly angel-faced with enormous erections poking out from under their "priestly" robes.

I haven't been in years but I went this time with a couple friends who are "new" on the scene and have never been. As we walked through the crowd we stumbled upon an "Adam and Eve" both wearing a garland of "fig" leaves, taking pictures for other bypassers, posed with Adam bending Eve over as he "hit it" doggy-style...I must say it was a hot scene to see. Ironicaly, I saw the couple again later and realized that Eve was in fact another guy.....really I should have known!

Here's photos of my costume:

Yeah I was a Flasher for Halloween...It didn't cost me a penny!!!! A friend had loaned my a "Pharaoh" costume that he had made for some photo shoots he had done in the past...but for some reason, I decided not to use it. I had fun...but I don't think I was nearly as "over-the-top" as others I saw. It was crowded...I was tired as hell afterwards ...and I saw so many pieces of "eye-candy" that it was worth it. [NO, the dildo isn't mine and I have NEVER used it! Infact I was told it was dug out of a storage unit in order for me to include it in my costume that evening.]

Well that's it for now, I'll try to keep up a bit better...however despite the incident at Staples with the computer....it still doesn't fully work properly. So we'll see.

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

Dumb Ass or Dumb for Ass?

Self,

I just heard about a trial that I believe started this week. The trial is in Alabama for Herman Thomas. Thomas is a former judge accused of having sex with male inmates in exchange for leniency in their cases. If convicted, he faces anywhere from 20 years up to life in prison, based on the most serious charges - sodomy and kidnapping.

Thomas' career as a judge was one of some notariety in so much that he had surprised critics by being an African-American Democrat that was elected and re-elected in a county that is overwhelmingly white and increasingly Republican and at one point was a nominee to the first black judge appointed to the federal courts in south Alabama.

These allegations of sexual misconduct date back as far as 1999 (his first year as a circuit judge,) and first surfaced in 2001 during a lawsuit filed by by an inmate, but the lawsuit was dismissed. With the dismissal of the lawsuit, Thomas' reputation continued without any other blemishes.

Supposedly what caught the attentions of the authorities about Herman Thomas is the fact that in 2006 he changed the jail sentence by another judge for his cousin, a county school commissioner. This led authorities to notice that he did the same thing for other cases handled by other judges.

Thomas' defense attorney says that the allegations are an attempt to wreck the judge's career, and Thomas even has the support of the NAACP, which has come to his defense to say that his prosecution is racially motivated. The prosecution attorney denies the racial element, states that the victims were all black, records collaborates inmates visits to Thomas's private office, and there is even court records noting one inmate's seminal fluid on the office carpet.

OK, there are the facts in this situation (as far as I know of them.) So, I have to ask....How in the hell does the court have a record of an inmate ejaculating on the carpet in Thomas' office? I mean I'm no lawyer or anything but doesn't a COURT REPORTER/RECORDER have to be present in order to enter information in to the court records? If that's true....doesn't that mean this is essentially an open and shut case, the details of at least one of those private meetings with these inmates was witnessed...right? At the very least it does lend a strong hand to the prosecution's case.

Seminal fluid aside. I understand the desire to help family when they are in trouble....but how simple-minded is it to think that one can interfere with the case of a relative and not get caught. In some way I think if he left his cousin's case alone, he could still be having his choice of inmates. (I'm not saying that he should have been having sex with the inmates but I think I can....sympathize. I mean I would bet all those country bruhs have dick for days and big bubble asses!) But I'm slightly glad to see that Thomas chose to help his family member over the continued access to sex with inmates.

I would probably agree that these allegations are probably an attempt to ruin Thomas' career, and that this attempt may even be racially motivated. I think the prosecution is stupid for pointing out that the victims are black as a means of disputing the racial motivation for prosecutiing Thomas. I mean SOMETHING/SOMEONE is urging these inmates to talk about it. If Thomas had half the brain it took to become a judge, I'm sure he actually followed through with his deals with these men and gave them a lighter sentence. (Yes, I know he shouldn't abuse his power that way.) The point is that assuming that Thomas did follow through, then it's possible that these men may have seen the sexual favor as a small sacrifice in order to get out of jail sooner. Hell I might trade some of my seminal fluids to get out of jail a few years earlier...but I don't think I would want to broadcast that information to everyone, so it's likely that these men may not have said anything about it on their own either.

That said I am of course inclined to applaud the NAACP for taking a stand to combat racism at any and every turn. However, I think it may actually have been a bad idea. I know and understand that racism still plays a major role in a lot of areas in this country, but I think the race card was played frivolously in this situation. If it is on record that an inmate ejaculated on the judge's carpet...then it would suggest SOMETHING was going on that shouldn't have been. And if Thomas did do something wrong, then he did wrong, he knew he did wrong, and it's the job of the State's prosecution team to address those improper actions. Hell personally, I think he would have a better defense if he claimed temporary insanity by means of having been "dickmatized" by these men, that makes a bit more sense than saying "I'm being accused of having sex with these men because I'm Black." Really, that's suppose fly - is it me or does that sound stupid???? Truthfully I think in this situation using racism makes it seem that Black folks just us racism as a scapegoat to get over. Which makes it that much hard in situations where racism is really at the root of an issue.

Ok so here is the million dollar question: (Drum role please.)
Do you think this man was the top or the bottom in these alleged sodomy charges?



Sincerely,
Pharaoh

Scared of Relationships?

Self,

Well I'm pretty sure I haven't mentioned it but for the record, "Go-see" has been ghosted. Although he was technically the first to say the words: "This is not working," out-loud, which means he "dump" me, I didn't by any means try to get him to change his mind. So I'd say it was mutual, he just beat me to the finish line...this is one time I do not have a problem having come in last place. Hell it might have been the best thing because I'm sure he feel really good about the whole thing and it played into his control issues. Which may not have been the case if I was the one to say it first, and he felt I had dumped him. Either way the main thing is - he's gone! Sidenote: I think the experience taught me that if I come across someone more that 5 years older than me....they can only be a friend...(lol a few extra benefits might be included, if the person is really sexy, but not dating material.)

Prince Esquire and I had a conversation while I was taking a break from playing with my mom on her new Wii. He raised the question, if maybe I have a commitment issue or lack faith in relationships due to the idea that I keep finding myself involved with men that aren't right for me but specificaly refering to guys who aren't local to me. Of course this question spun off the fact that I had just mentioned my newest gentleman suitor, Mateo. (named thusly because of where he lives - San Mateo, CA. ...Atleast he is in the same state "irreguardless" (LMAO) of the fact that he is still a 6 hour drive away.)

I honestly do not think he's right. However hypothetically speaking if he is right...... my love life and I are doomed. How can someone reprogram/unconditions oneself from that??????

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

A Real Disgrace

Self,

Tuesday evening, my Str8-husband and I went to see a film called, "Disgrace," starring John Malkovich. I don't think that this movie has a wide release so you may not be able to see it, but if you can I suggest you do....if for no other reason than it's a conversation piece.

That said, since viewing engagements are limited let me try to give a synopsis of the story.....in order for us to have some standard ground work for this discussion. Malkovich plays David Lurie, a university professor in post-apartheid South Africa living in Cape Town. Lurie takes advantage/rape a student in one of his classes. (The act is suspect because to me it looked like she was just bored -like he was a dull screw -which makes sense for a 19/20 year old and a 50+ year old, but my str8-husband says she was passed out. Part of the confusion also stems from the fact that she later reluctantly consents to bed him again.)

When Lurie is reprimanded for the "affair" by the university, he goes to visit his lesbian daughter, Lucy who lives on a farm out in the bush/country.

During Lurie's visit to Lucy's farm, they are victims of a robbery. During the robbery Lurie is knocked unconscious and locked in a bathroom, while Lucy is raped by the assailants, three black teenagers. Petrus, Lucy’s black tenant, coincidently was away during the robbery. Lucy and Lurie were not aware of Petrus’ absence until after the fact. Of course, Lourie and Lucy report the crime to the police.

Just as the dust settles (in a manner of speaking) it is discovered that one of Lucy’s attackers is related to Petrus by his “recent” marriage. Which makes the whole think look extremely suspicious. Particularly since Petrus takes the approached that basically since the physical act is over, then the whole situation is over and that things are going to be all right now. Lurie returns to Cape Town for a while during which he seek forgiveness from the family of his student. Lurie eventually returns to Lucy's farm and learns that she is pregnant from the rape and doesn't want an abortion. He also learns that the boy that is related to Petrus is now living on the property with Petrus and his wife. We are led to think that Petrus’ sense of decency lead him to suggest that he’ll marry Lucy (for her and the coming baby’s protection.) Lucy accepts trading Petrus’ protection for her land. And that’s basically how the movie ends.

I had to give the plot of the story to get to the meat of the matter. The problem I have with the film is the message it seems to be trying to convey.

The first and obvious message is Karma. Lurie allegedly raped the young lady from his class, and the crime/sin/disgrace boomerang back on him in the form of Lucy being raped. It also further the theory that the rebound of karma is always worse in the since that Lurie "gently" committed that act against the student but it was done against Lucy violently and threefold. I don't really have a problem with this message, I think at the root of it the main message is that there are ALWAYS significant consequences for your actions, particularly for your negative actions! (And really who can argue against that, right?)

The message that I do have a problem with is that this film tried to portray the representation of the shift of power from whites to blacks in South Africa. The story hints at the idea that Petrus was behind the whole thing with the intent of getting Lucy's land. And that he may have even expected to get away with it.

The two messages combine suggests that whites in South Africa should expect the cruelty and atrocities that were committed during apartheid to come back to them at the hands of their black neighbors.

I have a fundamental problem with that line of thinking. Yes I agree that karma will deal with the atrocities of apartheid/racism, if it hasn’t done so in someway already. However to appoint oneself to be karma’s agent/champion and plot to commit acts in retaliation is ....asinine, but at a minimum it's dangerous. I'm sure I am not the only one to have received the pearl of wisdom that; "two wrongs do not make a right." One that plots to gain vengeance may think him/herself to be right for doing so, but really all the person is doing is staining their heart and soul with a negative act that karma then has to address at a later time. The path to peace and harmony can not be paved with vengeance....the destination will never be reached. And walking the path of vengeance makes a person no better (if not worse) than the ones that initiated the atrocities.

Sincerely,

Pharaoh