Self,
Well as some may know I am a suppressed artíst. (By this I mean someone who hates the fact he has no artistic talent to flaunt.) And for that reason when I hear of someone doing an artistic project I try to be supportive. So I am pleased to share the news that my friend and author of 12:34, Jamal Story, is working on another project.
This one is a stage production of dance and spoken word. The project is called, The Soul in My Purse. It is still in a development stage. Well actually it is written so really what that means is he looking for financial contributors to help fund some studio time to work with the cast to fine-tune the choreography, costumes, lighting etc etc.
The title should be a link to the donation page he has set up. On the page there is video of the last workshop he did for this project. I have not as of yet made a donation myself, I should take care of that by the end of the night. Plus I'm waiting to make sure that after I make the donation I can actually use the ticket that my donation will include, for that I need to find out when he's scheduling the showing, and make sure I can get the time off to make the trip.
In the mean time, I urge you to check it out and if possible make a donation...even just a $1 as a sign of support. Art is the expression of the soul, the collective body of art through out history becomes the expression of the Human Condition. LOL making a donation of someone else's artistic expression atleast puts you in the category of a "suppressed artíst" like myself!
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Friday, April 29, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The Day is Done.
Self,
Well as of Friday, April 22, 2011, my grandfather's ashes have been laid to rest.
I know I mentioned that my grandfather was not a church going man...and I though the idea of hold a memorial service for him at the church was not the best idea, but it turned out nice. They kept it very simple....which was appropriate!
The repast at the house....kinda would have worked his nerves.....maybe it just worked mine. The think he would have appreciated about the repast was that people coming together and enjoying conversations with one another. LOL the only thing missing for him would have been a table where they were playing either dominoes or Bid Whist.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Well as of Friday, April 22, 2011, my grandfather's ashes have been laid to rest.
I know I mentioned that my grandfather was not a church going man...and I though the idea of hold a memorial service for him at the church was not the best idea, but it turned out nice. They kept it very simple....which was appropriate!
The repast at the house....kinda would have worked his nerves.....maybe it just worked mine. The think he would have appreciated about the repast was that people coming together and enjoying conversations with one another. LOL the only thing missing for him would have been a table where they were playing either dominoes or Bid Whist.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Mommy & Me Night
Self,
Last Wednesday (April 13, 2011), my mother and I went to see Alvin Ailey American Dance Company. She had heard they would be in town and before my grandfather passed we purchased tickets. I had agreed to go because I figured it would be a little escape from him being in the hospital at that time. Now that he has passed away, it was even more important to give her something enjoyable to take her mind off things.
This year marks the 50th anniversary of the Ailey classic ballet Revelations. Of course, this is probably my mom's main reason for wanting to attend the performance, that in connection with the fact this is Judith Jamison's last season as artistic director. That night I found out that my mom first saw the dance company back when she was in college. Which now that I think about it says a lot about the the small liberal arts college in the '70s. But then again that might be something we should expect for the college that is the Alma Mater to the first African-american President of the United States of America.
Seeing how much my mom enjoyed the show....it made me wonder if my mom is a repressed ballerina. I mean maybe she saw the Ailey company and wanted to dance, but the pressure of being the first of the family to go to college, made her think in more practicul terms. I mean even now I know that dancers struggle for their craft and art because they love it....not because the pay is great. My grandfather as wonderful of a man he was...I don't think he would have went for her attending school to major in dance, but for her to graduate as a teacher was....something he would have understood.
I'll have to ask her at some point.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Last Wednesday (April 13, 2011), my mother and I went to see Alvin Ailey American Dance Company. She had heard they would be in town and before my grandfather passed we purchased tickets. I had agreed to go because I figured it would be a little escape from him being in the hospital at that time. Now that he has passed away, it was even more important to give her something enjoyable to take her mind off things.
This year marks the 50th anniversary of the Ailey classic ballet Revelations. Of course, this is probably my mom's main reason for wanting to attend the performance, that in connection with the fact this is Judith Jamison's last season as artistic director. That night I found out that my mom first saw the dance company back when she was in college. Which now that I think about it says a lot about the the small liberal arts college in the '70s. But then again that might be something we should expect for the college that is the Alma Mater to the first African-american President of the United States of America.
Seeing how much my mom enjoyed the show....it made me wonder if my mom is a repressed ballerina. I mean maybe she saw the Ailey company and wanted to dance, but the pressure of being the first of the family to go to college, made her think in more practicul terms. I mean even now I know that dancers struggle for their craft and art because they love it....not because the pay is great. My grandfather as wonderful of a man he was...I don't think he would have went for her attending school to major in dance, but for her to graduate as a teacher was....something he would have understood.
I'll have to ask her at some point.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
THE MAN
Self,
It's so wrong how things are in the political realm and with media.
Last night, on AOL, I started to read an article that boasted that President Obama and the First Lady reported an income of $1.7 million for 2010 to the IRS and that they paid over $450,000 in taxes. On top of that revelation, the article then said that President Obama was continuing his efforts to repeal the Bush-era tax-breaks for those with an annual income over $250,000, which obviously includes him. (GET INTO IT, BABY!!)
Well I was just so proud of the implications of that tidbit of information that I stopped reading the article and allowed myself to be distracted with other things, and then eventually went to bed. I mean for me, what that says is that his push to remove those tax breaks for the rich means he is really trying to do what he feels will benefit the country as a whole. With the income that he makes it would be more self-serving to leave the tax-breaks in place, but that's not what he is doing. It also says he's a man of high principles and standards. (Things we really already knew, but it never hurts to re-enforce the point.)
So this morning I woke up and turned on AOL again. The top news flash I saw was another article about President Obama. However this one was about some silly Republican Tea Party politician in Orange County California that sent out an email with a picture of chimpanzees posed for a family portrait with President Obama's face superimposed on the face of the baby chimp and the caption reads "No wonder there's no birth certificate." Do you know this stupid individual had the nerve to say that she didn't realize the implications of such a picture.
REALLY?!?!?!?
They are constantly trying to take his thunder.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
It's so wrong how things are in the political realm and with media.
Last night, on AOL, I started to read an article that boasted that President Obama and the First Lady reported an income of $1.7 million for 2010 to the IRS and that they paid over $450,000 in taxes. On top of that revelation, the article then said that President Obama was continuing his efforts to repeal the Bush-era tax-breaks for those with an annual income over $250,000, which obviously includes him. (GET INTO IT, BABY!!)
Well I was just so proud of the implications of that tidbit of information that I stopped reading the article and allowed myself to be distracted with other things, and then eventually went to bed. I mean for me, what that says is that his push to remove those tax breaks for the rich means he is really trying to do what he feels will benefit the country as a whole. With the income that he makes it would be more self-serving to leave the tax-breaks in place, but that's not what he is doing. It also says he's a man of high principles and standards. (Things we really already knew, but it never hurts to re-enforce the point.)
So this morning I woke up and turned on AOL again. The top news flash I saw was another article about President Obama. However this one was about some silly Republican Tea Party politician in Orange County California that sent out an email with a picture of chimpanzees posed for a family portrait with President Obama's face superimposed on the face of the baby chimp and the caption reads "No wonder there's no birth certificate." Do you know this stupid individual had the nerve to say that she didn't realize the implications of such a picture.
REALLY?!?!?!?
They are constantly trying to take his thunder.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Memorial
Self,
Well there's are a few things that need to be settled, however last night i was told by my mother that the church has been reserved for my grandfather's memorial service on April 21, 2011. Despite the fact that I thought it was agreed that we weren't going to have a church service since my grandfather wasn't a church going man, my mom and aunt seem to have decided that's what going to happen.
Don't get me wrong, I get their rationale behind it.
1. It has been a lot of my grandmother's friends from the church who have come to console her.
2. With everyone asking about a service, we have to do something.
3. Most people are not likely to make the long drive to the gravesite.
However, that said
1. I don't want to go and feel like I'm a cast member in a Tyler Perry production.
2. I don't want a bunch of folks who didn't really know my grandfather, sitting there causing a scene.
3. I just don't like funnerals.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Well there's are a few things that need to be settled, however last night i was told by my mother that the church has been reserved for my grandfather's memorial service on April 21, 2011. Despite the fact that I thought it was agreed that we weren't going to have a church service since my grandfather wasn't a church going man, my mom and aunt seem to have decided that's what going to happen.
Don't get me wrong, I get their rationale behind it.
1. It has been a lot of my grandmother's friends from the church who have come to console her.
2. With everyone asking about a service, we have to do something.
3. Most people are not likely to make the long drive to the gravesite.
However, that said
1. I don't want to go and feel like I'm a cast member in a Tyler Perry production.
2. I don't want a bunch of folks who didn't really know my grandfather, sitting there causing a scene.
3. I just don't like funnerals.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Monday, April 11, 2011
Dilemma
Self,
OK a while back I dated this guy....hmm I'll call him Nakki (again a bastardize version of his name.) I think this was sometime in 2005-2006 maybe because I was still living in Long Beach at the time. I should correct something, we weren't dating, we were just kicking it. I think in my younger naive one days, my push to try and classify what were doing, may have been part of the problem between us.
The other problem was that one day he asked to borrow $100 because he was short on rent. Yes I gave it to him....always willing to help out if I can. So he said he would have the money to give back to me by a certain day. So as the day got closer he told me that he didn't have the money yet and needed more time. Understanding and accommodating me, told him it wasn't a problem, that he could take some more time to get the money back to me. About a week later he told me he had my money and to meet him at his house. So I did. I think I sat in my car for like 2 hours waiting for him to come home. I tried to call Nakki several time of course, with no answer. I left a message more upset that he had me drive all the way to his house and waste all that sitting in the car waiting then the fact that he didn't have the money...and told him as such. I never heard back from him.
Why did I run across Nakki's online profile and started chatting. He says he doesn't remember who I am. I'll admit there are some details that I have not shared with him to jog his memory...like the borrowed $100, or that I was a victim of an attempted car jacking outside his place when I was parking to hang out with him one evening.
I don't know what I want/expect from reconnecting with Nakki. I mean initially I think I just wanted to be able to see the recognition cross his face and maybe see him squirm about the $100. Not that I necessarily need it back....in fact the asshole in me probably would refuse to accept it making some kind of allusion to it being charity and me doing my party to help the less fortunate.
The irony is that as I was writing this post I had a text conversation with Nakki that basically lets me know he is still in the same boat he was in when we were hanging out. He still work as a trainer for Bally's. Seeing private clients on the sly to make ends meet. No car. But now he is in his early 40's. (Yes all that working out has paid off, the body is still sexy. but I don't remember the sex being that good to want to go back down that road.)
Hell, with that info he may just ask to borrow more money. So I don't know what to do.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
OK a while back I dated this guy....hmm I'll call him Nakki (again a bastardize version of his name.) I think this was sometime in 2005-2006 maybe because I was still living in Long Beach at the time. I should correct something, we weren't dating, we were just kicking it. I think in my younger naive one days, my push to try and classify what were doing, may have been part of the problem between us.
The other problem was that one day he asked to borrow $100 because he was short on rent. Yes I gave it to him....always willing to help out if I can. So he said he would have the money to give back to me by a certain day. So as the day got closer he told me that he didn't have the money yet and needed more time. Understanding and accommodating me, told him it wasn't a problem, that he could take some more time to get the money back to me. About a week later he told me he had my money and to meet him at his house. So I did. I think I sat in my car for like 2 hours waiting for him to come home. I tried to call Nakki several time of course, with no answer. I left a message more upset that he had me drive all the way to his house and waste all that sitting in the car waiting then the fact that he didn't have the money...and told him as such. I never heard back from him.
Why did I run across Nakki's online profile and started chatting. He says he doesn't remember who I am. I'll admit there are some details that I have not shared with him to jog his memory...like the borrowed $100, or that I was a victim of an attempted car jacking outside his place when I was parking to hang out with him one evening.
I don't know what I want/expect from reconnecting with Nakki. I mean initially I think I just wanted to be able to see the recognition cross his face and maybe see him squirm about the $100. Not that I necessarily need it back....in fact the asshole in me probably would refuse to accept it making some kind of allusion to it being charity and me doing my party to help the less fortunate.
The irony is that as I was writing this post I had a text conversation with Nakki that basically lets me know he is still in the same boat he was in when we were hanging out. He still work as a trainer for Bally's. Seeing private clients on the sly to make ends meet. No car. But now he is in his early 40's. (Yes all that working out has paid off, the body is still sexy. but I don't remember the sex being that good to want to go back down that road.)
Hell, with that info he may just ask to borrow more money. So I don't know what to do.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Rest In Peace
Self,
So Wednesday April 6, 2011 about 8PM my family came together at the Veterans Affair hospital of Long Beach, California to take my grandfather of life support.
Those present were:
My grandmother, his wife
His four children (from oldest to youngest): My aunt, my mom, my 2 uncles.
Three of his six grandchildren (oldest to youngest) My cousin (my aunt's daughter,) myself and my brother. Two of the other three were chose not to be present and the last grandchild is too young to be allowed in the ICU.
The wife of the youngest of my grandfather's sons.
And four members from my grandmother's and mom's church.
My grandfather, OLB, was always a strong independant man, which came through even in this scene. He continued to breathe (although slightly labored) on his own for over an hour before most of us left to seek solace in our own beds about 11:00PM. His first born son stayed until after 1AM. However approximately about 5:30am my grandfather's body finally succumbed to its ailments, and he passed onto the next phase of his existance.
With love,
Pharoah
So Wednesday April 6, 2011 about 8PM my family came together at the Veterans Affair hospital of Long Beach, California to take my grandfather of life support.
Those present were:
My grandmother, his wife
His four children (from oldest to youngest): My aunt, my mom, my 2 uncles.
Three of his six grandchildren (oldest to youngest) My cousin (my aunt's daughter,) myself and my brother. Two of the other three were chose not to be present and the last grandchild is too young to be allowed in the ICU.
The wife of the youngest of my grandfather's sons.
And four members from my grandmother's and mom's church.
My grandfather, OLB, was always a strong independant man, which came through even in this scene. He continued to breathe (although slightly labored) on his own for over an hour before most of us left to seek solace in our own beds about 11:00PM. His first born son stayed until after 1AM. However approximately about 5:30am my grandfather's body finally succumbed to its ailments, and he passed onto the next phase of his existance.
With love,
Pharoah
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
A New Riddle
Self,
My grandmother and three of her four children sit at the dining room table to make some decisions about the final arrangements for my grandfather in order to have some things in place.
My grandfather will be cremated per his and my grandmother's wishes.
The ashes will be buried at the National Cemetery as is his right as a war veteran.
There will be a grave side service and repass/memorial/fellowship gathering at our house.
One of the questions that the doctors said they need the family to answer was how didtwe want to schedule my grandfather being taken off the respirator? Meaning do we want to arrange to be there when they turn off the machine or do we want them to do it and to receive a phone call when he passes.
My mom: "Well I don't think there's a reason .....*tears*...there's enough memories....*tears* ....I don't want to be there."
My aunt: "I....*tears*.....I don't want him to be alone."
My eyes swelled up with tears as I watched the scene.
So, do we let our memories burn bright while someone else extinguishes his candle. Or do we let our candles shine on him while engraving in our minds the memory watching his light flicker away.
How do you make that choice?
Even now, hours later my eyes are watery from the thought.
And not knowing which is the best choice.
Love,
Pharoah
My grandmother and three of her four children sit at the dining room table to make some decisions about the final arrangements for my grandfather in order to have some things in place.
My grandfather will be cremated per his and my grandmother's wishes.
The ashes will be buried at the National Cemetery as is his right as a war veteran.
There will be a grave side service and repass/memorial/fellowship gathering at our house.
One of the questions that the doctors said they need the family to answer was how didtwe want to schedule my grandfather being taken off the respirator? Meaning do we want to arrange to be there when they turn off the machine or do we want them to do it and to receive a phone call when he passes.
My mom: "Well I don't think there's a reason .....*tears*...there's enough memories....*tears* ....I don't want to be there."
My aunt: "I....*tears*.....I don't want him to be alone."
My eyes swelled up with tears as I watched the scene.
So, do we let our memories burn bright while someone else extinguishes his candle. Or do we let our candles shine on him while engraving in our minds the memory watching his light flicker away.
How do you make that choice?
Even now, hours later my eyes are watery from the thought.
And not knowing which is the best choice.
Love,
Pharoah
Monday, April 4, 2011
Riddle Me This???
Self,
How are you suppose to honor 86 years of living? How does one let go of 66 years of love? Is it appropriate to mourn the loss of a loved one while watching him lay in a hospital on what may ultimately be his deathbed? Or do you wait the undetermined time until there is an actual funeral and burial service to begin the grieving process? Is there a specific amount of time that you are suppose to grieve when a loved one dies?
These are just some of the questions that crossed my mind on Sunday, when I stood in the ICU of the hospital looking at my grandfather. I stood next to my grandmother sitting in her wheelchair as she alternated between simply shedding tears and speaking to him. Each time she spoke she started by calling his name and the words "open your eyes." Generally it sounded as if she was telling him what to do (as she often did in their 66 years of marriage,) But sometimes, it felt like she was asking him to do so, almost pleading.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
How are you suppose to honor 86 years of living? How does one let go of 66 years of love? Is it appropriate to mourn the loss of a loved one while watching him lay in a hospital on what may ultimately be his deathbed? Or do you wait the undetermined time until there is an actual funeral and burial service to begin the grieving process? Is there a specific amount of time that you are suppose to grieve when a loved one dies?
These are just some of the questions that crossed my mind on Sunday, when I stood in the ICU of the hospital looking at my grandfather. I stood next to my grandmother sitting in her wheelchair as she alternated between simply shedding tears and speaking to him. Each time she spoke she started by calling his name and the words "open your eyes." Generally it sounded as if she was telling him what to do (as she often did in their 66 years of marriage,) But sometimes, it felt like she was asking him to do so, almost pleading.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
Friday, April 1, 2011
My Friday.....
Self,
So, I worked the graveyard shift and got off at 8am this morning. Well the first thing I did was climb into my bed...rest for my aching body.
So after I wake up and put some food in my stomach, my mom, aunt, and grandmother returned with news of my grandfather who is still in the hospital.
The word is that he is still on the respirator, however they don't know why he won't wake up. He is still basically unresponsive although he has opened his eyes occasionally. The doctor(s) instructed my mom and aunt that the family should consider rather, or more actually when they want to take him off the respirator to see if he can breathe on his own. This is definitely somewhat a down turn. the hard part is there is no way of knowing that if he does start breathing on his own again, how long that will last.
I will remain positive.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
So, I worked the graveyard shift and got off at 8am this morning. Well the first thing I did was climb into my bed...rest for my aching body.
So after I wake up and put some food in my stomach, my mom, aunt, and grandmother returned with news of my grandfather who is still in the hospital.
The word is that he is still on the respirator, however they don't know why he won't wake up. He is still basically unresponsive although he has opened his eyes occasionally. The doctor(s) instructed my mom and aunt that the family should consider rather, or more actually when they want to take him off the respirator to see if he can breathe on his own. This is definitely somewhat a down turn. the hard part is there is no way of knowing that if he does start breathing on his own again, how long that will last.
I will remain positive.
Sincerely,
Pharoah
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